MamaFae's Knit Whits

Solidarity in motherhood

2011-12-13T08:55:00.000-08:00

I have always valued my mommy friends. Ever since I became pregnant with my oldest son way back in the fall of 2000, I sought out like minded women with similar experiences to help me navigate the waters of parenthood. The simple idea that I was not alone in this journey made all of the challenges much much easier to overcome.

It started with La Leche League meetings and Attachment Parenting International meetings in Austin, TX. There I met moms in all stages of their journeys who believed in very similar ideals such as co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and gentle parenting. Many of them became close friends of mine, some of whom I am still in contact with 10 years and a cross country move later. While we were in Texas so many challenges came my way and so many moms stepped up to give me much needed advice, let me cry on their shoulders, or just be present with me in my struggles. There were midnight calls and rides to the children's ER when my husband was out of town, food brought over after an emergency D&C following the birth of my 2nd son, and so many much needed playdates where my kids could run and be kids while I got to sit and enjoy adult conversation. I truly believe I am a much better mother due to the strong loving guidance and support of those women.

When my husband's job moved us from Texas to Oregon I was really worried about finding other moms to connect with. Having to start all over again really scared me. I really missed having my sister-friends around me. Then I got pregnant with my daughter and found a couple of resources that led me to a whole new group of amazing moms. The forums for the web version of Mothering Magazine let me to my "tribe" (def 2) and very soon I was no longer alone in a new town. Once I decided who would care for me during my prengancy and where I would give birth to my daughter I found yet another amazing group of women and families through the Andaluz Waterbirth Center. Some of those women have become my best friends.

Now that my children are school age the playdates and park days have slowed down. We don't gather in groups for support nearly as much as we used to. My children's activities and school friends have more influence on the adults that I interact with than my own choices of like minded ideals. This is both a blessing and a challenge. I have met some amazing people that are now part of my circle of friends who support me in this crazy journey. Others have been learning moments in tolerance and patience. But regardless of how well I get on with the other adults in the room there is one thing we all have in common. We are parents and we are all on a journey of the utmost importance. Raising strong, confident, capable kids who will grow up to be successful happy adults. Knowing we're not alone goes a long way towards helping us all survive the quest.

With how busy all of our lives have become however, getting together in person isn't something that happens outside of the events our children all participate in. And that's where the internet comes in. Besides the obvious benefits of Social Media on being able to connect with like minded people, I follow a number of Mom bloggers from all over the country who write posts about all of the things we have in common as moms. While we might be alone physically we are not alone in our struggles thanks to the words of wisdom, commiseration, and joy of folks like Mama Birth and Laura from Our Messy Life. Following their journeys online has brought humor and tears of joy to my daily life.

I know I don't blog regularly or nearly often enough, but I hope that those that do stumble across my page can find the same support, tips for an easier life, laughter, and hope that I find in the pages I follow.

Santa and believing in the unseen aka Yes, Virginia there is a Santa!

2011-12-09T21:49:00.000-08:00

Recently there have been a rash of articles, blogs, and essays written on whether or not we should as parents perpetuate the myth of Santa. I was dumb and broke the 1st rule of the internet and read the comments on some of the articles. It was a bit of a "duct tape moment" for me since the vitriol over this topic was out of control! Seriously I am not a bad parent because I allow my kids to believe in magical things while they are still young. I am not a liar. I don't care what you teach your kids about mythical beings, but I tell you one thing, if your kid bullies mine because you failed to also teach them tolerance for what others believe I'll be pretty upset.

In the end I remember my mom reading this letter to me when I was a child and starting to doubt. It put it all into perspective and I no longer questioned why she so fervently believed in Santa and why she wanted me to as well. This is what I've read to my kids each time one of them started to doubt. I don't think you're ever to old for believing in love, magic, and goodwill.

Eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York's Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history's most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps.

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Halloween 2011

2011-11-14T09:31:00.000-08:00

Halloween 2011

So this year we all dressed up as Harry Potter characters! I had a lot of fun making the kids robes in their characters' house colors, shopping for accessories, and going through a few different Goodwill stores for Marc's and my costumes. (total score on my wig btw only $1!!) You can see a bit about the process of making the robes here.

I'm pretty happy with the finished results!

Austin was channeling his inner Slytherin
dressed as Draco Malfoy

Colton made the PERFECT Harry!!

Lily had a lot of fun and looked "hauntingly"
like Moaning Myrtle!

My Wizards and Witch at their
schools' Harvest Ball.

Halloween night we all got dressed up and headed out for
Trick or Treating! Marc is Remus Lupin and I was Tonks.

The kids and their loot!

The making of a Harry Potter Halloween!

2011-11-14T09:20:00.000-08:00

This year I stayed true to my "no store bought costumes" mantra and made all 3 of my children robes for their Harry Potter character costumes.

I started off with THIS pattern that I found online. But rather than lining the whole thing I only did the top (hood, sleeves, yoke/collar area) For the sleeves on the boys' robes I only did the area that is the cuffs, rather than the whole sleeve to save time.

As I was merrily sewing along my needle busted and got stuck in the presser foot! I had never seen this happen before, so of course I had to take a picture of it!

Lily's robe was the first one I worked on, and it was very much a "learn as I go" project for me. The main body of the robes are polar fleece, and the lining is suiting in the appropriate house colors. Lily's is grey because she is a ghost. You'll have to see the my next post to find out WHICH ghost!

Here is her robe all finished (I thought I took more in progress pictures, but I guess in the hurry to get them done in time to wear to our cub scout party I forgot!)

My hubby helped with the finishing touch for their costumes and whittled them all wands. (we have lathe turned wands that a friend's hubby made them a few years ago, but they have gone missing) Here's Lily's:

A few other finishing touches like hair color, ties in the right house colors, a couple of temporary tattoo scars and we were looking pretty good! All in all I am thrilled with how the whole look came out.

30 Days of Thankfulness-Week One Recap

2011-11-08T22:07:00.000-08:00

I think I did pretty good! Only missed one day and repeated myself once. But at least that repetition had a bit more detail AND it just shows you how much I LOVE my children.

Day 1: So hopefully I can remember to do this every day, but I am going to at least start the whole "Thankful for Thirty Days" deal. Today, Nov. 1st, 2011, I am thankful for my amazing husband (Marc)

Day 2: I am thankful for my children and for being a mom.

Day 3: You know it's pretty cool that I am having a hard time deciding what to post today for 30 days of Thankfulness, not because I can't think of anything, but because I have so many to choose from! So, today I am thankful for all of the amazing women in my life who are smart, strong, beautiful people that both support me and inspire me to be a better woman.

Day 4: Today I am grateful for my extended family. Those related by blood and those who we have chosen to be family. I am blessed to be a part of so many amazing people's lives. Remember I am thankful to have the chance to be there for you, as you have been there for me.

Day 5: Thankful today for warm sweats, a comfy bed, and my ipad to keep me company.

Day 6: Today I am thankful for my children. Each of them has taught and continues to teach me something new and beautiful about the world, challenge something in myself, and allow me to be what I've always wanted to be: A mother.

Day 7 & 8: Ok so I missed yesterday's "thankful" post. So today I am thankful for mistakes, failures, and 2nd chances. Without them we'd never learn, grow, or change.

Here is to the next week of gratitude!

Adventures in NRT and diet change

2011-04-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

So as many of you know I've been dealing with chronic pain, inflammation, fatigue, and fogginess over the last few years. I'm starting a new approach in healing my body and hopefully this will fix the problems that I'm facing once and for all.

NRT=Nutrition Response Testing. It is an alternative medicine approach to finding the root causes of your ailments and using whole food supplements to help your body heal itself. My assessment with Dr. P showed things that I had suspected but that all previous testing had shown to be "within normal range". I have low thyroid function, severely compromised adrenal function, a high level of residual mercury, and an intolerance to sugars. All of which combine to create the above symptoms.

So with that I've been given a few supplements to help my thyroid and adrenals begin to function normally again, a detox supplement to rid my body of the mercury, and been told to strictly limit my sugars. To start with I'm cutting out all processed sugar even more than I already have. i.e. no cane sugar at all, no corn syrup HFCS or otherwise, no sugar processed from anything not whole. I can still have honey, maple syrup, and whole fruit but not fruit juice. FOR NOW. After a few weeks of doing this if I don't show improvement I will have to cut back/cut out those as well.

Today is what I'm considering DAY ONE even though I started the supplements last Thursday. My food intake so far has been egg salad, a sourdough English muffin, some Greek yogurt with fresh strawberries, and my coffee with honey and cream. Pretty darn good if I do say so myself, especially considering the fact that there are 3 HUGE bags of Easter candy sitting on my dining room table.

I haven't quite decided what I'm making for dinner tonight. Probably pork chops. Cinnimon Apple chops for everyone else, plain salt and pepper for me.

Anyone out there do "low sugar/no sugar" diets? WITHOUT using artificial sweeteners which I will not eat? I'd love some tips and tricks!

I am a birth art addict!

2011-04-06T16:24:00.000-07:00

I don't normally go in for blog giveaways, but one of the blogs I follow just put up one of the coolest pieces as a give away that I've ever seen!! It speaks to me in so many ways, and feeds my addiction to birth art of all kinds.

Nicole over at Bellies and Babies is giving away a scuplutre similar to this one:

From Deb at Mudd Puppy Pottery!

I would soooo love to have this or many of her other awesome pieces!! So in order to get another entry in the giveaway here I am blogging about this beautiful piece of art!

Crossing my fingers! Oh and since you made it this far, follow the links above and enjoy both of these lady's works for yourself.

38 years now what?

2011-03-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

So last year I wrote a pretty good post on my birthday thinking about where I've come from and where I plan on going. Looking back at this last year I have managed to meet some of the goals I've set for myself and I feel pretty good about it!

The most important of them for me was finishing my Labor Doula training and beginning to attend births. I have had such amazing experiences so far on this journey. It has been a true honor to be a part of the miracle of birth in all it's forms. I've been witness to a baby born drug free while mom used hypnosis, twins born virtually unassisted at home, and a baby born via a cesarean! I've expanded my knowledge and my network tenfold it seems in the last year. Each and every family that invited me into their lives has been a blessing to me. I can only hope that I've been able to give back to them as much as they have given to me.

While I LOVE being a doula I am feeling more and more called to midwifery as a profession. The last few months I've been reading like crazy trying to "know" as much as I can about birth in order to be better informed and prepared to support my doula clients. All of this reading keeps reinforcing the feeling in my heart that I am meant to do more than I am to help women have the births they want. So to that end I'm working slowly on obtaining the text books I need, getting in on as many teaching moments as are offered locally, and looking for ways to expand my knowledge in preparation for taking classes to become a midwife sometime in the near future. That timing is still up in the air a bit though.

With Marc actually having finished his Bachelors Degree this past fall he is actively looking for work back East. (East of the Rockies and South of the Mason/Dixon line if you please) Where we land will have a lot to do with how I go ahead with my schooling, and if I go to nursing school or midwifery school. The midwifery laws very so much from state to state that it really does make a HUGE difference. This factor has also ruled out a few places that we could have looked for work, but due to the fact that home births are illegal I won't live in those locations. (I.E. Illinois, Kentucky, and North Carolina to name a few)

So the next step for me is to work hard on getting my writing/blogging etc in order. I've applied to be a content writer to a couple of websites, and I hope to get some writing gigs to help finance my doula practice! And to that end I also need to finish my website and continue networking in order to bring in clients consistently for my practice. So IF you know of anyone expecting a baby in August or beyond have them surf on over to my availability calender and doula profile on Doula Match and contact me for an interview!

In August I hope to go to instructor training for Dancing For Birth up in Seattle in order to expand my offerings and bring in a bit more revenue. I truly think I'd enjoy teaching this type of childbirth prep class, and it is very very hard to work as a doula full time financially. So many people have no idea what I do still, AND don't realize the value of hiring me. So until those things change I won't be able to make a living at just doing births. I've got some other ideas of how to add value to my practice without adding a lot more time consuming work. We shall see if they pan out or not.

This year has other exciting ventures ahead as well. A trip home with the whole family, training for a 5k, Marc training to do the Portland Triathlon, lot's of camps and hopeful enjoying the Oregon countryside as much as possible.

Tri-tip Steak Soup

2011-03-21T10:12:00.000-07:00

It's no secret to my friends that I LOVE Tri-tip. It's an amazing cut of beef that is a luscious steak dinner one night and transforms into so many different things the next that it is really a frugal cooks' dream. Here's what I did with our left over tri-tip last night!

I made soup. It was really good and even the kids raved. What I love about soup is that you can pretty much use any veggies you have on hand. I just try to "cook a rainbow" of veggies, so an orange, a green, a white, a red, etc. Other options would be asparagus, zucchini, yellow squash, sweet potato, parsnip, turnips, beets. . .The choices are endless! If you don't have potatoes throw in some rice for the starch instead.

Here is what's in the bowl above:

Tri-tip Steak Soup

1 pound of Grilled Tri-tip cut into bite sized cubes.
4 med. potatoes peeled and cubed
3 large carrots peeled and cubed
1 14 oz can of diced tomatoes
1 can of green beans (or a cup of fresh or frozen green beans)
1/2 cup sliced mushrooms
1 med onion diced
2 T minced garlic
1 14 oz can of tomato sauce
4 cups of veg. stock (or 2c veg and 2c beef broth)
2 T butter or olive oil
2T red wine (or if you don't use alcohol just use some of the broth or stock) for deglazing
2 T prime rib seasoning (rosemary, black pepper, salt, paprika, garlic)
1 T kosher salt
1T Steak Sauce -- THIS is what I think makes it taste like "steak soup"
2T brown gravy mix (to help thicken up the broth)
Fresh ground black pepper

Directions:

Heat butter or oil in a stock pot over medium heat.
Saute Onion until translucent then add the garlic to caramelize.
Deglaze the pan with the wine or some of the stock.
Pour in the tomato sauce, stocks, seasonings, and steak sauce. Bring to a boil
Add in the carrots and simmer for 5 minutes, then add the potatoes.
Cook at a slow boil for 15 minutes and then add the soft veggies (tomatoes, green beans, mushrooms etc).
Ladle out 1/4 cup of the broth and whisk it with the gravy mix, then stir back into the pot.
Cook until the potatoes and carrots are fork tender.
IF you want to use rice instead of potatoes I recommend cooking the rice first and adding it in the last 5 minutes of cooking or you will loose all of your broth to the rice!

Serve with a big slice of buttered crusty bread and enjoy!!

Easy Tri Tip Fajitas with Cilantro-Lime Rice

2011-03-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

Fajitas

1 onion
1 bell pepper (I like red or orange better than green!)
Grilled Tri-tip sliced into thin strips
1 pkg Fajitas seasoning
2 T olive oil

In a large frying pan heat the oil over medium heat.
Slice the onion and pepper into strips

Sauté the onion and pepper stirring occasionally, but letting them caramelize slightly before each time you stir.
Remove to a dish and cover with foil.
Add the meat and heat through. Add seasoning mixed per package directions. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and return veggies to the pan and toss to cover.

Serve over rice or in warm flour tortillas.

Cilantro-Lime Rice

1 cup rice
1/4 cup chopped fresh Cilantro
zest and juice of 2 small limes
2 cups of chicken or vegetable broth
1/4 cup of water

Cook the rice with the lime zest, juice, broth, and water using your normal method for rice.
Add the cilantro and stir and let stand for 5 minutes before serving.

Top with lettuce, cheese, pico, sour cream, guac, what ever you like!

Grilled Tri-Tip

2011-03-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

Marinade

1/4 cup veg oil (I use Canola for it's high smoke point since I'm grilling)

2 T Worchester Sauce

1T lemon juice

1t ground black pepper

1t kosher salt

1/2t red pepper flakes

3-4 cloves of garlic minced

4-5 green onion chopped fine

Whisk all ingredients together.

Marinade meat for at least 30 minutes, over night is even better.

Tri-tip is a cut that likes to be cooked hot and fast and on the rare side.

So temp it at 155 and let it rest to 160.

6-7 minutes per side at 500 degrees under the broiler if you aren't grilling outside should do it.

Let it rest for at least 10 minutes before slicing.

Slice thin across the grain of the meat on a bias for the best tenderness.

I recommend making more than one at a time since there are many wonderful ways to use the left overs!

What I wrote for my grandpa's funeral

2011-03-11T21:22:00.000-08:00

When trying to think of something to say that would capture my feelings and what it was like to have Carl Pittman as a grandfather, so many thoughts swirled in my mind that I was quite overwhelmed. I was advised to pick a single memory, something that would bring joy to others, and to quote, keep it short.

The trouble is that there are too many memories to choose from, too many moments that brought me joy, and that in the retelling would share some of that joy with all of you. Moments full of laughter like the game of “stealing Papaw's chair”, moments of wisdom passed down like being told to “always get the name of everyone you do business with”, or moments of learning shared like teaching me how to whistle the “red bird's song”. I struggled over the last couple of days with which one to choose.

I finally settled upon the sunflowers. Which isn't surprising really since they will always be the flowers I associate with my Grandpa.

You see when I was little, I would sneak out to the bird feeder near the garden and take some of the sunflower seeds, then plant them in the corner of the garden by the fence. Every year a few would sprout and grow. I'd laugh, thrilled to see them tall and bright in the sunshine, and Grandpa would pretend to be surprised at them being there at all and in a mock scolding “tsk tsk” at me wondering what “little birdie” planted those flowers in his garden. Even when I went away to college and then later moved out of state, every year a sunflower would still grow. I'm not sure to this day if the birds did the planting or if Grandpa did it just to be able to tease me about them despite swearing he never planted them there to take up precious space for his peppers!

Sunflowers for the funeral from Marc, the kids, and I

In then end it doesn't matter. In the end when it comes right down to it, the sunflowers brought us both joy and helped us feel together over the miles that separated us. Just like each of the many memories and stories that are shared today, will bring each of us a bit of joy on a day of sadness and remind us that in our grief we are not alone.

Having Carl Pittman as a grandpa blessed my life. I have been blessed by his humor, wisdom, patience, and knowledge, and blessed by the presence of man who never failed to show his love for me. I love him deeply and will miss him always.

Why yes, I AM a Doula!

2011-02-19T23:04:00.000-08:00

I haven't talked much about being a doula on this blog since I try to keep my personal blogging stuff separate from my professional web presence, BUT I came across this video embedded on another doula's website and just had to share it here. Enjoy!

If you are curious about what I do, now that you've watch the video please check out my business website where you can find information about what services I offer, links to my availability calendar, and my fee structure.

Encircling Hands Doula Support and Education

When being "green" is just "mean"

2011-01-28T10:39:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: This post is meant as sarcasm and humor any offense generated is purely coincidental and the responsibility of the reader.

I am all for being a good steward of the resources you are given. Be they natural resources like coal, timber, water, or more ephemeral resources like money, time, and opportunity. I like reusing things and getting the most out of something. Of course that is mostly because I am cheap and not from some deeper altruistic need to save the planet. I like creative solutions to everyday problems and finding ways to use what I have rather than buying something new. Again mostly because I'm cheap and making the most of my money resource is a pretty big priority to me. BUT, spending my 2nd most important resource, time, to figure out a way to replace something that is perfectly good and someone else already makes just because it isn't "green" is the definition of insanity to me. And in some cases I think it's down right mean.

My first case in point is using fabric as reusable gift wrap. While the idea has merit and can look really pretty, it takes ALL THE JOY our of RIPPING and TEARING open ones gifts!! Because let's admit it, that is a HUGE part of the fun right? Especially for kids! Now I'm not saying you have to use brand new gift wrap paper for every single gift you give, even I'm too cheap for that. But what you can do is get new tissue paper (it's pretty darn cheap if you stock up after Christmas on just the plain white!!) and reuse the gift bags you've received! You get to save on wrapping and still give the pleasure of ripping into the gift to your friends and loved ones! Of course this means you actually have to wrap the gift inside the bag in the tissue paper rather than just shoving tissue in on top of it, but I think this is a good compromise between brand new and that silly fabric idea! And if you have a cat like my you are depriving her of her most treasured possession:

Mah paypers!!

Recently I've found another fantastic wonderful "green" idea that has taken a lot of joy out of my daily life. Reusable lunch boxes. I LOVE LOVE LOVE these amazing lunch box sets that my mom got the kids back in August. What I HATE HATE HATE is that my 2nd grader CANNOT remember to bring his home. I send it to school with him on Monday and I'm lucky if he remembers to bring it back by the following Friday. So because it is the ONLY one we have and I don't have any brown paper bags he's back to eating that awful crap they serve in his elementary school cafeteria Tuesday through Friday. I was seriously so stoked to start making lunch for the kids and get them eating better (especially after counting how many days in a month their main choice for lunch is CHICKEN! UGH! Another post completely!), but now all it has done is create a big source of stress for me and my son. So I'm pretty much sold on the idea of buying paper bags and zip top baggies for his lunch from now on. This way he can just throw it away and not be all worried about bringing home his lunch box. And I will get to see this smiling face rather than the sad disappointed in himself look he gives me when he's forgotten the box yet again:

Cheese!

And last but not least, all natural shampoo. This one gets TWO GIANT THUMBS DOWN from me. Most of my friends know that I fight a daily loosing battle with my hair. It is both fine and curly. Which makes for a wonderful frizzy mess in humid weather. Oh and I live in a temperate rain-forest, so yeah humidity is pretty much par for the course here. So trying to be more "healthy" and more "green" I switched to some hoity-toity all plant based, cruelty-free, organic such and such that was supposed to be better for the planet and nice to animals or some crap like that. And my hair looked HORRIBLE! Talk about stealing my joy!! I'm not a very vain person. Really I'm not, but the one thing I've learned in my nearly 38 years is that my hair is picky and if I don't treat it right I'll look like Gilda Radner from her Roseanne Roseannadanna days. And trust me that is just mean, both to myself and those unfortunate souls who have to view such madness.

*%$&!

So folks in summary, I've learned that my life is by necessity one that I have to live in balance. Not going over board with the "green at all costs" mentality so many get caught up in and keeping in mind the real benefits to myself and my family of each choice we make. Yes it's important to be good stewards, and yes I believe that making healthier choices for ourselves and our world is a good idea. But I won't give up joy, no matter what new fangled idea the enviro-crazies come up with to make our world "greener".

How about you? What "green" ideas do you find just silly? What about ones that you were reluctant about in the beginning, but that over time have embraced? Inquiring minds (well okay just me) want to know!

My first homemade cheese....

2011-01-21T16:51:00.000-08:00

So I decided I would make manicotti for dinner tonight (easy, not super cheap, but totally yummy) and then decided what the heck I'll make the ricotta myself!

So I searched the interwebs and found a great little "how to" for whole milk ricotta post. I did have amazing success with this, but I was a tiny bit unsure of the "lemony" flavor, so I went looking and found this post that suggested regular white vinegar instead for a more neutral flavor.

The procedure is of course the same. Ratio of milk to acid is also the same:

1cup of whole milk (I have an awesome source for unpasteurized milk so that is what I used.)
to
1T acid (lemon juice or distilled white vinegar)
to
1/4t salt (I prefer kosher)

Mix salt and milk in a heavy bottom sauce pan and bring to just below a boil. I think about 180 is perfect as any hotter and you risk scorching the milk. And having been a barista I know just how nasty scorch milk tastes and smells.

When the milk is at temp, at the acid and gently mix it in then STOP STIRRING! I made the mistake of stirring too hard the first batch and my curds never formed. Set the pan off the heat and walk away for about 5-10 minutes to let the curds form.

Pour the whole thing into a strainer lined with a double layer of cheese cloth and let it drain over a bowl.
The longer you drain the more dense and dry the curds will be. (if you have a shallow ladle you can spoon out the majority of the curds and reduce the amount of draining necessary.)

Here's a picture of the curds draining:

The batch I made with lemon juice I mixed with some dill, salt, pepper, and garlic and put in an omelet for breakfast!

I have to say I was amazed at how well it melted and how yummy this was! Super creamy a bit tart/tangy from the lemon and just cheesy enough to complement the eggs perfectly. Of course I had to add couple of shots of hot sauce for "garnish".

The 2nd batch (made with the vinegar) I mixed with an egg, some cream, Italian seasoning, and sausage and stuffed in the manicotti. Hopefully the kids will enjoy it for dinner tonight!

Frugal cooking--Request for recipe submissions!!!

2011-01-17T15:23:00.000-08:00

Hello dear readers!! I have a HUGE favor to ask of you. I'm trying to get out of a cooking rut AND save money. Both things are hard but possible, doing them together are causing me to pull out hair.

So in an effort to not go bald and accomplish the above goals I'm turning to you! Please please please send me your "meals on the cheap" recipe ideas. My hope is to try to get our food bill for all our meals for 5 people to under $400 a month. And I'm trying to stay with WHOLE FOODS. The parameters of the recipes are simple:

Limited pre-made food as ingredients. I'd like to stay away from boxed/canned/jarred stuff.
No BEANS. I don't eat them or like fixing them.
Limited casseroles. The kids are NOT big fans.
If your recipe has an unusual ingredient PLEASE give me an idea of where to find it.

Don't limit yourself to main dishes!! I'd love to see some side dish ideas and ways of preparing traditional sides that are original but cheap!

My plan is to try out EVERYTHING you guys send me that fits the parameters and then post both the recipe (giving you credit of course and linking to where ever on the net you want me to in that credit) and the family's reactions to it here on my blog.

You can email me here, post on my Facebook page here if we are friends, "tweet" me a link to your own recipe blog here, or post the recipe or link in the comments below.

Please include:

The recipe!!! (duh!)
An estimate on how many people it feeds and how long it takes to prep.
Your name or the name you want to go by in my blog.
Where you found the recipe if it isn't your own personal creation or one you have significantly modified from the original. (have to give credit where credit is due!)
A link to your own blog if you wish me to link back to you in my review post.
Any other information your little heart desires me to know!

I'll make a button soon for you to put on your blog if you want.

Thank you!!!!!

Looking forward!

2011-01-02T14:42:00.000-08:00

So its 2011. A new year, and some how that is supposed to mean a new start. For my kids it really will be a new start. Starting a new school tomorrow is a big deal. Probably an even bigger deal in my own mind, so I'm trying to keep own anxiety to myself.

Austin seems to be the most nervous and actually said he was. But he's also so very excited and hoping some of his soccer buddies are in his class or that he at least gets to see them at lunch. Colton actually thrilled since his 'best friend" who moved out of their school last year goes to the school we've moved into. Lily is still so new at the school deal that she doesn't have any real attachment to where we've been, and is excited to make new friends where we are going.

I, however, have a litteny of concerns floating around in my head. Both the practical and logistical concerns like:

What kind of supplies am I going to have to buy, AGAIN.
Who are their teachers!!
Will I be allowed to walk them to class tomorrow?
How timely is the bus they will be riding (our previous bus was notoriously late in the afternoon)
Can I manage to make homemade lunches every day like I really want to (okay this doesn't have to do with the new school, but it is a concern)
Can we manage to get everyone up and ready by 7:45 with out tears and frustration?? (this is earlier by about 20 minutes over the previous "have to leave the house NOW!" time)
How long will it take us to all adjust to the new routines, new homework rules, new teachers level of communication to home, etc. etc.

And the more emotional concerns of my mama bear side:

Will the kids like there teachers?
How scarey will it be for them to find their way around a new place alone?
Will they have someone to sit with at lunch?
Can they make it back to their bus okay?
Will Colton make it through the day without crying and if he doesn't will there be a kind person there to help him through the tears?
Will Lily find the "new girl" roll fun and exciting or scarey and nerve wracking?
Will Austin be able to internalize the new rules he will surely have quickly and without too much frustration over such a big transition?
Will I be able to find a home with their PTC and be accepted with the same amount of warmth and community as I was at the previous school during my volunteering?

And I'm sure there are more floating around in my brain, just waiting to rear their ugly little heads just as I lay down to go to sleep tonight.

I don't have any answers to the logistical issues, and won't until we see how things go and I get to talk to their teachers over this next week. The emotinal ones are even more of a "wait and see" sort of situation. I'm not very good at "wait and see", except when I'm labor sitting for a client! I wish I could somehow manage to use the patience I have towards birth with other parts of my life.

Besides the nerves over the kids starting their new school there are other things this year brings for me.

I have decided to finally do something serious about my back and shoulder pain. For years now most Chiropractors, MDs, and Orthopedic folk have been telling me that the weight of my breasts is the primary cause of my pain. So to that end I will be having reduction surgery this year. Not exactly sure how soon, but I'm really hoping it will be this spring sometime. In order to be in the best possible health for that surgery I have set a goal for myself of walking at least a mile or riding 2 miles each and every day. I hope with that and watching my food choices I can cut some weight and be in better shape, so that I recover well after surgery.

We are also going to be planning a major road trip for when the kids get out of school. It has been years since much of my family has seen the children and many of them have never met Lily. The kids are finally old enough to be helpful on a trip such as this and to really enjoy themselves and gain good memories from our adventures. Right now the tentative plan is to head out in June, going north across Oregon, Washington, Idaho, and Montana. Down through Wyoming to Yellowstone, onto South Dakota to Mt. Rushmore. Down through Iowa to my Dad's in Missouri and spend a few days there. Then on to Chicago to show the kids one of my favorite cities and meet with friends. From there we'll go down through Illinois, stopping to visit family and friends through out the state, and finally getting to my Mom's in Kentucky. From here I'm hoping my mom will go with us to Branson, MO. Then we'll head back west, though Oklahoma, Texas (just the panhandle most likely, sorry friends in Austin, we'll have to catch you next time!), New Mexico possibly stopping to see a friend in Albuquerque, then up to Las Vegas and home by way of Crater Lake. Taking 3-4 weeks and our time to see what we wish, enjoy the drive, and learn as much as we can about our great country! All said and done will travel close to 6K miles! I am hoping it all works out the way I have it planned in my head! Oh and did I mention we will be camping the whole way? Yep NO hotels for this industrious, outdoorsy family! (We will however make full use of the shower facilities at the state parks! LOL)

Big plans that's for sure! To make those happen, getting our finances under control, and keeping to a savings plan will be essential! And part of that is by reducing our consumption and our food bill! I am hoping to make a lot more from scratch, bread included, this year.

As my planning goes forward I will be looking to you dear readers for help with menu planning, frugal living tips, recipies, traveling with kids tips, and ideas of what to see on our route!

Happy 2011 Everyone!! Thanks for joining me for yet another year!

This mama won't fly.

2010-11-08T21:31:00.000-08:00

With my husbands impending trip to Florida looming ahead my attention has been drawn to recent blog posts, interviews, and articles regarding the Advanced Imaging Technology scanners now in place at many airports across the country. These scanners use low ionizing radiation to create what basically amounts to a "naked" image of the person in the scanner use back scatter technology to show any objects under their clothing. There is grave concern by many including pilot groups about the health risks of repeated exposure to this radiation.
If you object to the scanners and radation you may of course "opt out", but then you have no alternative but to submit to an "enhanced pat down", which many say amounts to an invasive procedure akin to foreplay!

Here's the thing: there is an 80% LESS chance of being blown out of the sky by a terrorists than there is of being killed in a fire. Let me say that again, you have more to fear from fire than from a terrorist. Don't believe me, read this. The scare tactics used to create a sense of urgency and need to comply are just that, scare tactics. We are not any less safe for not taking of our shoes at the security line, nor are we any more safe for being felt up by TSA.

This is over the top. And furthermore I do believe our greatest threat is not from woman with bomb breast implants it is from a very specific sector of people. Those who style themselves as radical Muslims and have declared Jihad against the US and it's people/interests. I'm so very sorry if that offends someone out there who might come across my little corner of the internet and read my blog. But honestly, who the heck attacked us on 9/11 anyway? Who blew up the USS Cole, or more recently who tried to mail bombs to the US?? Al Qaeda that's who. Why did that do it? Because they hate our way of life, who we are as a people, and believe us to be infidels who much be destroyed. That's why.

Until we come to terms with this and call a spade a spade our denial will cause this sort of thing to happen. We will continually be forced to give up our liberties at the point of a gun all because some fanatic decides to blow himself up in the name of Allah and take as many infidels with him as possible. And you know what folks? When we allow our government to expand it's power over our lives, give us no choice but to submit to illegal searches and accept actions that violate the 4th amendment THE TERRORISTS WIN.

They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety. Benjamin Franklin

Our politically correct sensibilities are so afraid of offending those who want to kill us, or those who sit quietly in our own country while their affiliation with the terrorists is besmirched that we are willing to submit to this invasive abuse rather than use other more affective tools to keep our airspace safe.

It is true that there are 2 ways in America to get things done. Vote at the ballot box, or vote with your dollar. As of now I am voting with my dollar. I won't fly. I won't give money to an industry that supports the blatant disregard for the 4th amendment nor will I condone a government agency that perpetrates this on it's citizenry. And I plan on letting anyone who cares to listen know it. I'm unsubscribing from all of my frequent flyer newsletters etc and writing letters to those airlines telling them why. I encourage you to do the same. Stand up for your liberties or while you are sitting coach they will be taken away.

The Joys of Fall--Apple Picking!

2010-10-08T16:14:00.000-07:00

I know this is a crazy lot of blog posts in one day, but I don't want to let the time I've got right now go to wasted and I have a lot to catch up on, and with such a busy weekend ahead I needed to get this done now.

Last Sunday we decided to pick apples. From our backyard! I cannot begin to tell you how exciting that is for me. As a kid I remember taking trips out to the orchards by my cousin's house to pick apples and make applesauce with my grandparents. Now I get to do this with my own kids. Such a blessing!

It was time to get the good ones out of the trees before the bugs got them and they rotted. I hate seeing them go to waste all around town rotted and fallen to the ground. The majority of the fallen apples I also gathered up to take to a friend's farm for her piggies.

In order to get to the apples in the center top of the trees we sent Austin and Colton up into their branches!

Even Lily got into the game, scaling the ladder and picking everything within reach.

In the end we harvested a large basket full of fuji, golden delicious, and an unknown variety of apples. And I just had to take a picture of my darling, handsome husband with our bounty!

Preserving the harvest....Tomatoes!

2010-10-08T16:03:00.000-07:00

We ended up with a bumper crop of tomatoes this year, that is until the Late Blight got the vines. But I still managed to process just over 25 lbs of red yummy sweet fruit into both frozen chopped tomatoes, and canned stewed tomatoes.

I like to peal my tomatoes to have a nicer final product. To do this bring a pot of water to a boil, remove the green stems and leaves from the tomatoes, and with a sharp knife score a very shallow “x” in peel on the bottom of each tomato. Fill your clean kitchen sink with water and ice. Submerge 3-4 pieces of fruit at a time in the boiling water for 10-15 seconds until the edges of the “x” start to curl. Using a slotted spoon carefully move the tomatoes from the boiling water to the ice bath. Then using your hands peel the skin off each fruit. I do this to prep my harvest of tomatoes for both freezing AND canning. (This is the same boiling water technique as I used in the peaches. )

For freezing I rough chop the peeled tomatoes and pack them into quart sized ziptop bags that have the place on the front to write on. I label each bag with it's contents and the date prepared. Try to get as much air out of the bags as you can. You can even use a straw to suck out the last bit of air if you desire. Lay the bags flat in the freezer until frozen solid and then they stack very nicely upright. I like freezing them in smaller bags so that I can easily grab one to add to soup or sauce without having to thaw a whole gallon at a time.

The stewed tomatoes are as follows: 3 large onions, 2 large green peppers, 1 head of garlic and 1/4 cup of lemon juice per each 6 cups of tomatoes. Rough chop the vegetables and mince the garlic. Sauteed in olive oil until tender. Rough chop the peeled tomatoes and add them to a stock pot with the other ingredients. Then bring the whole thing to a rolling boil for 5 minutes and turn off the heat.

Follow the canning instructions for tomatoes for your type of canner. I use a water bath canner since this recipe is acidic enough. Clean, sterile, warm jars; filled with leaving 1 1/2" of head space; capped with lids that have been simmered in 180 degree water and sterile rings. Tip: use a magnetic tipped wand to help lift the lids out of the hot water to avoid burning your fingers. Processed in the water bath canner at a full roiling boil for 30 minutes, making sure at the jars are covered by at least 1 inch of water. Let cool on the counter and enjoy the "PING!" you hear as the lids seal. Make sure you store your canned goods in a cool dry place and always check the seals before using any home canned products! If you find any busted or popped seals toss out the whole jar.

Here are just a few pints of the total of 10 quarts I made.

These are now ready for spaghetti sauce, swiss steak, soups, stews, and all manner of other amazing recipes!!

Keeping lunches fun and cheap! Peaches glorious peaches!

2010-10-08T15:46:00.000-07:00

In an effort to lower our food budget and still get healthy foods into my kids I have been doing a lot of freezing and canning this year. We've grown quite a bit, harvested a lot, and I've gotten pretty lucky finding deals on produce both at farmers markets and local produce from our nearby grocery stores.

Recently I found Organic Maryhill peaches (from Washington State) on a one day special at our local store for only $0.98 a pound! So I bought $10 worth!
But what to do with all of those peaches?? My first idea was to make my own fruit cups for the kids to take for their lunches. So here's how I did that:

First I washed the peaches by soaking them for a few minutes in a veggie/fruit wash and cold water.

Next I gathered all the supplies I would need: muffin tins, muffin papers (heavy waxed ones), honey, sugar, cinnamon sticks, and a large pot of water on to boil.

I lined the tins with the papers:

Next I set to simmer 2 cups of water, 1 cup of honey, one cup of organic sugar, and 1 cinnamon stick to make a simple syrup. After the sugar and honey have dissolved turn off the heat and let it cool while doing the next steps.

In order to peel the peaches quickly I used this time honored technique. a.) cut x's in the bottom of all the peaches, b.) drop them in the pot of boiling water, c.) pull them out when the skin of the peach starts to curl up at the x (about 30 seconds), d.) drop into ice water to cool, e.) then the peel will come right off.

Next up chop up the peaches into bite sized chunks and toss with some citric acid, lemon juice, lemon crystals to help keep them from browning.

Fill up the muffin cups about 2/3rds of the way with the chopped peaches.

Next pour in cooled simple syrup until the fruit in the cup is just covered. This helps prevent freezer burn and keeps the peaches looking pretty! (totally optional, but a nice touch)

After both trays are filled I put them in the freezer stacking them with a cookie sheet inverted over the top of the bottom tray that they didn't nest.

Here's a picture of one of the trays frozen:

Next I used a butter knife between the paper and the tin in order to pop out each of the cups.

Finally I put the cups in a zip top freezer bag and squeezed out as much of the air as I could, and put the whole thing back in the freezer.

The peach cups are now ready to go into my kids lunch boxes. The average price for a store bought fruit cup of peaches made with hfcs is about $0.85 each. I used about 4 lbs of peaches (at $0.98/pound) to make 24 cups here, that comes out to around $0.17 per cup!! And they are made with healthier sugars and a much lower amount.

What started as a solution for newborn reflux has become a mission for me!

2010-10-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

Lily in a KKAFP at the top of the Space Needle

Recently there have been a lot of negative stories in the news about baby carriers and wearing babies in them. The Baby Carrier Industry Alliance has been created to help this industry maintain the highest safety standards and to make sure that CORRECT information is out there for parents to read regarding the safety and effectiveness of the art of babywearing. There are a number of factors that have lead up to the need for this, but the fact is that for parents this can be a sanity saving tool, and for babies it can be essential to their development both physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I posted my story on their website to help add to the positive information and support their efforts. I am a member of the alliance at the friend supporting level, and I encourage you if you can spare the $25 a year, to do so as well. We can't let the CPSC mandate away our right to parent how we see fit.

In 2001 my first son was born and very soon after diagnosed with GERD. One of the recommendations of our pediatrician was to keep him upright for 30-45 minutes after each time he ate. Given that he was exclusively breastfed this meant he was in arms either eating or being kept upright nearly one out of every 2-3 hours. Often it was more rare for him to be out of someone's arms than in them.

This was a huge amount of time commitment from both my husband and I that we were not really prepared for being new parents and thinking as we did then that babies actually slept in a crib! Silly us!

Seeking help we attended an Attachment Parenting International meeting on a Saturday morning. Once there we saw many parents, moms and dads, with their babies in soft carriers called slings. Not at all like the front pack we were given at our baby shower, these slings were much more like holding your baby than strapping him on the front of you! I liked the idea very much, and my husband seeing all the dads hands free and yet still holding their children was very excited to try out this solution to our tired aching arms. So excited in fact, that the next day he went to a local used children's clothing store and bought a 2nd hand padded "heart to heart" ring sling.

That single purchase changed our world, nearly as much as becoming parents had. That sounds a bit dramatic, but in truth it really did make our lives vastly different over night. I was now able to work throughout the house without having to put my child down and listen to his cries, or try to do things one handed and failing miserably. My husband could work at his computer with BOTH hands and still help me keep our wee one in a position that allowed him to digest his food and not be in pain.

I continued to attend the API meeting and also started regular attendance at 2 different La Leche League meetings and found more families that had embraced the "art of babywearing". I also met Darien Wilson, creator of Zolowear Ring Slings and learned so much more about how to use this wonderful piece of baby gear.

After the birth of my 2nd son in 2003 I found out how indispensable a good baby carrier can be when mothering more than one child. Being able to keep my baby close and still mother my toddler with my full attention was a beautiful thing. I especially found the value in being able to wear both of my children on my body when I was the only parent available. My husband's job had him traveling out of state at pretty frequent intervals and needing to single parent made my sling even more useful.

By the time my daughter arrived in 2005 I had become a very vocal advocate of babywearing and the carriers made both my work at home moms and by larger companies. Carriers like the Maya Wrap, the New Native Pouch, the Zolowear ring sling, and the Kanagroo Korner Adjustable Fleece Pouch were some of my favorites and became an essential part of my mothering tool kit. Not long after my daughter arrived I joined a babywearing support group called NINO (nine in nine out) and along with other babywearing advocates helped put on the 1st ever International Babywearing Conference at Reed College in Portland, OR.

I spent the next 2 years as a co-leader of our local babywearing group, and started teaching babywearing techniques the benefits of those techniques at a local birth center and for childbirth educators.

What started off as a solution to a medical issue with my 1st son has become a life long passion that I still advocate for to this day for even now as a birth and postpartum doula I still use my babywearing knowledge to help others learn this wonderful skill. I am a firm believer in the ideals that babywearing supports; loving, in arms care.

I feel very strongly that if done correctly, babywearing is not only a safe way to care for babies and children, but is an essential part of parenting.

Crafty Corner! -- Custom Ponytail elastics

2010-08-27T22:01:00.000-07:00

So after looking around for the right color ribbon festooned ponytail elastic for Lily to wear for her soccer games and not finding anything I liked I decided to make her some myself. I mean how hard could they be?? Looked to me like they were just ribbons knotted onto rubber bands to me. So I went searching on the internet and came across this fantastic post from Chica and Jo.

My next step was to go shopping for ribbon to match Lily's soccer kit.

Unfortunately it seems that "hunter green" really isn't in vogue right now, so finding the organza ribbon the tutorial calls for wasn't going to happen. Soooo I remembered back to the blog and that they also made them out of fleece! So that was my answer! I bought the elastics and a strip of green fleece and set about cutting it up!

If you don't already have a rotary cutter, 18" clear craft ruler, and a self healing cutting mat I highly recommend you get these awesome tools! Nothing cuts straighter. And nothing cuts fleece more quickly or more easily.

I decided to make the strips of random thickness in order to give the whole thing some interest. Each strip is 12" long. I've toyed with the idea of random lengths too which I may do on the next one.

Next I knotted the strips onto the elastic by wrapping the strip around the elastic and pulling the tails through the hoop and pull tight.

Slide each strip of fleece up next to the one before and continue until you have 2/3 of the elastic filled. I decided it was easier to get into Lily's hair if I left some of the elastic bare. Took me about 22 strips to get the one I was making this full.

And here's the finished ponytail holder in action!

Wordless Wednesday-August 18th, 2010--First Soccer Practice Ever!

2010-08-18T08:18:00.000-07:00

EasyLunchBoxes--Giveaway

2010-08-17T13:29:00.000-07:00

Another blogger, Miscellaneous Mom, I follow is giving away a set of EasyLunchBoxes!! I encourage you guys to go check it out!

http://miscellaneousmom.com/2010/08/16/accidentally-green-healthy/

They look like the perfect solution to our school lunch dilema.

It's Friday and I'm in Love! (a week in review)

2010-08-06T23:26:00.000-07:00

In love with my family, friends, my amazing community, the beautiful weather her in Oregon, the time I've gotten to spend outside this week, and amazing deals found to make my back yard more of the outdoor room I dream it can be!

My kids bring me such joy and inspiration! They also bring me moments of intense frustration and complete astonishment.

This week Austin started his writing workshop summer school. He's such a dichotomy much of the time. One moment he's sharing all the neat stuff he learned, and the next he's whining about how he doesn't know why he has to go to summer school! It's so not fair mom!! One minute he's the most amazingly helpful 9 year old. Jumping up to get me something, or help his siblings. He even helped me with the mama's at todays Big Latch-on event which I will go into more detail later. Then not 3 hours later he's complaining when I ask him to help his sick sister or grab me something because my hands are full of HIS STUFF.
I can't decide if it's the age, his being a boy, or the fact that he's a moody Cancer. Or all 3!! He's 9 going on 19 oh the drama! LOL

Colton and Lily spent the week going to VBS with my friend's kiddos. They really seemed to enjoy it. Lily really loved the singing and dancing. Loved learning to sign to the songs too. She's always signing "I love you" now to us, it's so adorable. After picking Austin up each day we met my friend and all the kids at Beaverton City Park (near the library) for lunch in the park and play time. It was so wonderful to get to visit with her, and see her children. Her 2nd daughter and Lily have known each other since they were babies and really really love each other. It's very sweet. She even asked Lily to spend the night Thursday night, so that they could have more play time together. Lily LOVES sleepovers with this family. It's precious to me that my daughter has someone she so enjoys time with like this. So every day this week we've gotten to spend at least 2 hours outside in the sunshine just relaxing, chatting with friends, and playing at the park.

After lunch Lily went home with my friend, and the boys and I ran some errands and got Frosties!. Catching up with some old friends and off to meet new ones! I was blessed to be introduced to an amazing mama of 8 (yes EIGHT!!) through another lovely friend of mine, Krista (check out her blog!) The boys and I headed over to her house to get some zucchini that she offered up on Fbook, were previously we've only ever chatted. As soon as we walked into her adorable home, my boys and her boys disappeared and played for the whole hour and a half that she and I chatted! It was so awesome to see. I loved watching them just totally hit it off and play like they'd known each other for years. Rosie and I had so much in common and really enjoyed getting to know each other. And we found out our husbands were both in the Navy! I hope this is the beginning of an awesome friendship!

While Lily was at her sleepover the boys, Marc, and I went out for dinner to celebrate the 1st real bonus he's gotten in 2 years! Woo Hoo!! Then we went to REI to get Marc some gear for his bike. He has been commuting so much via bike that we both agreed he needed some upgrades. So we got him new shoes, cleats, pedals, a new rack, and a bag for his computer that hooks to the rack. It felt good to see him get some thing I know he will get a lot of use and enjoyment out of. Of course not all was smooth sailing for him with his new set up. Trying on his shoes and "clicking in" to his pedals (after I was already in bed) he went for a ride. Which was awesome up until he tried to stop and couldn't get his shoes to "un-click" from the pedals and manged to fall over bike on top of him at the end of our drive way at 11:30pm! Guess he should have practiced that little maneuver before taking off huh? And of course he had to wake me up to tell me all about his silliness!

This morning (Friday morning) I volunteered for The Big Latch-on PDX. An event aimed at breaking the world record of the most moms breastfeeding their babies simultaneously. Our venue was Thinker Toys in Multnoma Village. WOW what an amazing toy store!! I can't tell you how much Austin and I enjoyed this store and it's owner Joan! We can't wait to go back and take Marc and the other two kids. I would say even if it's a trek for you go check them out!! Very very cool place. Anyway, we ended up with 25 moms at the event!! 22 were able to get babies nursing at the right time. The venue organizer, Erica (a fellow doula!), and I were really excited since we both thought we'd end up with 5-10 moms! It was really cool to meet Kate and Erica from PDX Doulas and chat with Erica about our jobs. Our community is so amazing and I am really blessed to be a part of it! Austin was an amazing helper today too! He helped collect the tokens we used to count mamas who took part in the breastfeeding challenge and handed out goodie bags to them all. He even helped collect trash and straighten up the space when we were done. Then we walked down the street and had scones and talked for about 20 minutes about all sorts of cool stuff. I <3 my kiddo!

This evening I got to enjoy my newest "thrift store find!!" A steel frame patio swing!! I found it at the "bins" for get this $20!!! I'm so crazy happy about this! It's a futon style swing that lays flat into a bed and all 3 kids and I can fit on it! I'm in love. I relaxed for a bit chatting with a friend about a fundraiser for MamaBabyHaiti, took a phone call from an amazing mama friend of mine that runs the Pass It On Sale here on the westside and spend about 30 minutes reconnecting with her, and then reading my book. After dinner Marc, Austin and I sat out on the swing talking and joking around. I can see so many good times in our "outdoor living room" and am so glad my instinct told me stop and check the bins for anything "useful" I also found a completely fruit laden plum tree hiding at the very back of the property we rent! I can't wait until tomorrow when I can pick it clean and make plum jam.

Austin asked to build us a fire (with the skills he learned at scout camp) so Marc and I sat back and watched as he used the "log cabin" technique to build us a nice fire in our fire pit, then enjoyed a glass of yummy Pinot Gris from Cooper Mountain. Colton and Lily spent that time snuggled up on the swing laid out like a bed and playing. Now we're winding down inside and all 3 kids have fallen asleep on the swing, under blankets and with a tarp over it like a tent! Trying now to decide if we are going to leave them there or bring them in.....

What a great day, what a great week, and what a great life!

Using bad math to snark about teacher's salaries.

2010-07-25T16:24:00.000-07:00

Recently a friend (and a teacher) of mine posted a link to this note on Fbook (warning this and/or my following comments my tick you off. Read at your own peril.

HIGHLY PAID TEACHERS

Are you sick of highly paid teachers? Teachers' hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 9 or 10 months a year! It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do - baby sit! We can get that for less than minimum wage.
That's right. Let's give them $3.00 an hour and only the hours they worked; not any of that silly planning time, or any time they spend before or after school. That would be $19.50 a day (7:45 to 3:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch and plan -- that equals 6 1/2 hours). Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children.

Now how many students do they teach in a day...maybe 30? So that's $19.50 x 30 = $585.00 a day. However, remember they only work 180 days a year!!! I am not going to pay them for any vacations. LET'S SEE.... That's $585 X 180 = $105,300 per year. (Hold on! My calculator needs new batteries).

What about those special education teachers and the ones with Master's degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage ($7.75), and just to be fair, round it off to $8.00 an hour. That would be $8 X 6 1/2 hours X 30 children X 180 days = $280,800 per year.

Wait a minute -- there's something wrong here!
There sure is!
The average teacher's salary (nation wide) is $50,000. $50,000/180 days = $277.77/per day/30 students = $9.25/6.5 hours = $1.42 per hour per student--a very inexpensive baby-sitter and they even EDUCATE your kids!) WHAT A DEAL!!!!

I call BULLSH*T!!! I have to say I'm pretty irritated with this. Teacher salaries, pensions, and benefits are important, yes, but they should not be misrepresented. I'm tired of EVERYONE who whines about what they make. They chose the profession and knew the go ingrate. If you didn't you're too dumb to be a teacher. Seriously.

Here is my 1st response:
"It is a valid point, BUT not all teachers are worth even that. (had some pretty bad ones in my time and with my kids)
And the problem isn't with the teachers it's with the bureaucrats who choose the curricula and the standards. Sorry but I HATE they way our elementary schools are teaching many of the subjects. And I HATE the "participation" trophy ideal that they are shoving down our kids throats. Not to mention teaching global warming as fact (it's still a theory, just like evolution, or any other creation explanation) and turning all our kids into little recycling czars who poo poo their parents for driving mini-vans not hybrids. blech!
I don't take issue with the rate of pay teachers get, I take issue with the free or nearly free pensions, the unionized "guaranteed by law" pay raises, and the benefits that last till they die. VERY few other industries give pensions anymore because they have realized how cost prohibitive it is and they are a major reason states like California and Illinois will probably be bankrupt in 2 years if not sooner."

OP (original poster)'s reply:

"Nichol, I definitely respect your opinion but I am sticking to my huge agreement with the link! I can not think of another profession that requires a master's degree, a year of unpaid internship (student teaching), and then expects a person to work 60+ hours per week for such little pay."

My 2nd response:

"How about the entry level business management positions where you have to intern in college after your mba and get a salaried job for under 40K and work 80+ hour a week? (real life example of a friend of mine back east)

Or how about my job?? I don't get paid ANYTHING!!! Sorry. Salaried means you don't make minimum hourly wage. That's the definition of salary. It also means it's a guaranteed wage. Something that hourly people usually can't count on unless they have a contract which very few do.
Teachers don't have it that bad. Oh and let's not forget that it is their choice to be one. No one is forcing you to do it. You could have been anything you wanted when you choice your career.
I know I may sound like a callous bitch, but I'm really tired of people whining about "the lot their given" when they've chosen much of what they are experiencing."

Friend of OP's comment:

"On top of the masters degree and unpaid internship, wr also have to continue to pay out of our pocket for graduate level courses to maintain our license. Does an MBA have to fork over another 10k for tuition and books within 3 years of graduating while still paying on their student loans so they can keep their job?"

My last reply:

"So do RNs, ask my mom. And she makes about the same as most teachers (less than 50K though) and she has to pay out of pocket for her CEUs....Like I said before YOU CHOSE this knowing what the pay scale is.

I do think that there should be more of "clinical" type structure for teachers to go from students to certified. More like RNs do. No one should have to work for free, unless they really want to. (i.e. volunteering out of compassion not force)

Don't get me wrong I value what you do. I appreciate all the work that the teachers my children have had have put in. I really do. And everyone wants to get paid more, but I'm tired of hearing that the answer to our educational system's problems are that teachers need to be paid more. And salaried jobs are sucky like that. Marc was salaried (my husband) at far less than the average teacher makes and put in 60-70 hours a week. Much of which was traveling far away from his family.

Also the math is skewed. Daycare center workers DO NOT get paid per kid. They get paid HOURLY. If we are paying teachers just for the job of babysitting then we should only pay them for their contact hours. At 175 days for the 2010-11 school year in Beaverton and 8 hours a day with a PAID lunch that's 1400 hours for the year. At $7.75 per HOUR (not per kid) That comes to $10,850 a year. Far less than the average teacher makes. For s&gs let's add in another 10 hours a week for prep time and for all those pesky grading days. 250 hours comes to another $1937.50 for a grand total of $12,787.50
Let's look at the average in home daycare next. Most get paid per kid, per week (not hourly) at about $1-200 per week. Average around $125 per week, with having to provide lunches and snacks, their own toys, books, supplies for crafts etc. If they have 4-5 kids (usually the limit for state certification for the average home) then they will make about $75 per week per kid after food for a total of about $375 per week. At the same number of contact hours for a teacher of 25 weeks that comes to about $9,375 a year.

So sure I'll pay you minimum wage. It will save me a ton on my taxes."

So my final opinion (yes it is an opinion and you can agree to disagree, this is MY blog after all) is that teachers get paid plenty, that it isn't the amount they are paid that is the problem with our schools, it is lack of parental involvement, bad curriculum choices, energy spent on BS topics (like global warming), bureaucratic waste, useless testing, and union bullying of states that are the real issues with the US educational system. Unfunded pensions are bankrupting our states and our children aren't doing any better than they were before No Child Left Behind (dumbest legislation ever).

School choice (vouchers), more parental involvement (incentivized if necessary), and back to basic curricula could help. Oh and how about NOT throwing away perfectly good school supplies???

Update to the Red Robin Breastfeeding Discrimination Story-This is GOOD!!

2010-06-24T14:05:00.000-07:00

After many emailed, tweeted, Facebooked, and phoned Red Robin our efforts it seems have paid off! I'm so proud of what a community can do when we stand behind what is right.

Update 06/24/2010: I got a call from Liz at corporate at 10:00am today. It was a very positive phone call! Here's the conversation that took place:

Liz: First off, is now a good time to talk? I know you're a mom and really busy.

Me: Yeah, now is good, my littlest is asleep and the older one is watching TV with his uncle.

Liz: Okay. We are so sorry about what happened the other day. There's a lot of information about what happened and I wanted to hear it from you. Is that okay?

Me: Yes, that's just fine. Tuesday night I went on a date with my husband. We had my daughter with me and she got hungry so I started to feed her. At first I was pulling my shirt up but since we were at a booth it was really awkward and I was really exposed. Being in that position made my shirt be in my armpits. So I decided to bring my breast over my neckline and nurse that way. Then the manager came up to us and said somebody had complained and asked us to cover up. I said no and my husband informed the manager that it was my legal right to nurse wherever I wanted. The manager said he understood that but this was a family restaurant and he had a shirt I could use to cover up. I said we would just leave.

Yesterday I posted about my experience on Facebook and started talking to my friends about it. One of my friends found out the law in Washington is that managers, business owners, or employees cannot ask a woman to leave, stop breastfeeding, or cover up. I knew that my right to breastfeed was protected but I thought that a manager could ask you to leave. Once I learned the full extent of the law I contacted Red Robin's Guest Services about it. I got a call from Guest Services telling me they would have the Regional Director call me.

She did call me, and I'm sorry, but I don't remember her name. She told me she was sorry, and that she was going to talk to the manager who had talked to me, and that they were sending me a gift card. However, she also said that it's not really the job of the managers to learn the laws. She also didn't give me any assurance it wouldn't happen again. She said that the managers are supposed to make the majority happy, so if a lot of people complain about a breastfeeding that the manager would probably talk to the breastfeeding mom about covering up. I feel that's not good enough. So, yeah, that's what's been going on.

Liz: Well, I again wanted to say how sorry I am that this happened. I'm a mom who has breastfed and I know how important it is. Moms who are breastfeeding should be able to feed their babies wherever they need to. The manager was in the wrong and we are going to instigate a company wide training to teach about what to do when customers complain about breastfeeding.

Me: I think that sounds like a great idea, that would be wonderful.

Liz: We have training for our managers already to train them on local laws and such, we contract with an independent third party to do our training. We will be sure to make an emphasis on breastfeeding training. We'll start immediately at the Kennewick Red Robin, but I want to let you know it's going to take a little bit of time to implement it nationwide.

Me: I understand, it's a big company. I'm glad you're implementing this.

Liz: Now, I want to make it very clear that I'm not making excuses, but it's a very sticky situation for our managers to deal with. It's hard to make everyone happy. Do you have any ideas on how to help?

Me: Yes, I do. First of all, there is a website for Washington breastfeeding laws that offers little cards you can print out. Mothers can use them to inform others about their rights and managers can give them to customers who complain to explain the laws. That way your managers can say, "I'm sorry, but it's the law," without the customer getting mad at the restaurant.

Liz: That's a great idea!

Me: They also have fliers you can print up and display in a prominent place of your restaurant informing customers of the law. Also, I know that breastfeeding laws are different everywhere. In Washington mother's rights are protected but in Idaho I know managers can ask you to leave. It would be really nice if Red Robin was a breastfeeding friendly restaurant everywhere, regardless of the laws.

Liz: That would be good. Do you have the website for those cards? That's a great idea.

Me: I don't know it off the top of my head, but I can email it to you. Do you want me to send it to guest relations or do you have a specific address you want me to use?

Liz: You can use guest relations, but here's my email address, it's really easy. [Email address]. If you have any ideas you can send them here, we want to hear them and we want to have an open dialouge.

Me: I can't think of anything else right now, but I'll ask my friends if they have any ideas. I wanted to say that I really appreciate this phone call, thank you for doing all this.

Liz: My pleasure, we just want everyone to be happy.

****

So overall I'm really happy with how Red Robin is handling this now. I don't think I'll organize an official nurse-in but I think it would be a good idea for mothers to go to Red Robin and nurse. Also, let them know how you feel about how you want them to uphold a mother's right to breastfeed, whether it's state law or not.

If they don't do what they say they're going to then we can take this further. But as of right now I'm feeling pretty happy.

Now please go back to the Red Robin Comment form and tell them how happy you are with their response!

Here's mine:

I am writing you again in response to the breastfeeding discrimination incident at your Kennewick, Washtington location on 6/22

I wanted to let you know that I am thrilled with your corporate manager Liz's response to my friend Krista. Her sensitivity and understanding of the law was the kind of customer service I like to see in places I frequent.

I am very pleased to hear that Red Robin will be redoubling their efforts to make sure managers are trained in the local laws that protect a woman's right to breastfeed in their restaurants.

I would encourage you to go one step further and make Red Robin a breastfeeding friendly business, by supporting the right of moms and babies. If you decide to adopt company wide policies that are mom and baby friendly please publicize it! We would love to know. And I will make sure to share your support of breastfeeding with my blog and Twitter followers as widely as I did my criticism of this incident.

My family's tradition of celebrating the children's birthdays at your restaurant is still up in the air until I see how all of this pans out. I hope that you are true to your word and work to make Red Robin and true "family restaurant"

Sincerely,
Nichol Miller

From breastfeeding rights to birth choice and safety

2010-06-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

They are all feminist issues!! Bodily autonomy and the right to how we use our bodies, respond to them, and allow them to work is a human right.

Some states get this when it comes to breastfeeding like I mentioned in my last post about Washington state's breastfeeding law, but NO WHERE do they seem get it when it comes to birth. And by they I mean the laws protecting a woman's right to choose, not only IF she has her child, but where, when, how, and with whom she can birth her baby.

How doctors like this or this are allowed anywhere near birthing mothers in our country is beyond me. When we have one of the highest maternal death rates in the industrialized world, a cesarean rate that is twice the WHO recommended value, and more babies born premature due to interventions than could possibly be safe why aren't the powers that be doing something about it? Instead we are allowing doctors to dictate to women how they will give birth using documents like this!

Famed midwife Ina May Gaskin whose birth center The Farm in Tennessee has a cesarean rate of under 5% has been working hard to bring to light the dangers in modern obstetrics and how in the United States we seem to be blissfully unaware of the unreasonably high death rates of moms and babies. Her projected called The Safe Mother's Quilt was started to bring to light the severity of the situation. By raising awareness of this hidden risk to our nations women and children she hopes to see changes made in policy and procedures governing the management of birth in our nations hospitals. Take a look at the fact sheet she has put together. So much of this report is not readily known by women going into hospitals to have their babies. But it should be.

With the recent release of the Amnesty International report on the crisis in maternal health care here in the US, those of us in the natural birth circles are hoping more prominent and influential people will step up and make changes. But when the attitudes of OB/Gyns continues to be one of disdain and disregard women who wish to birth in a hospital will continue to face the risks of unnecessary interventions, over managed medical responses to labor, and even unnecessary high risk surgery.

This article in the NY Times did a really good job outlining some of the risks and causes of our higher rates.

Someone once said that a good way to judge how an OB will treat a woman in labor is to ask them what they think about doulas. I recommend that if you are expecting, plan to deliver with an OB, in a hospital or attached birth center asking them how they feel about birth plans, doulas, and informed consent.

***I just want to say that there are certainly cases where interventions and cesareans are 100% medically necessary. But the World Health Organization says that 15% is the rate that should not be crossed for cesarean deliveries. That rate gives the best outcomes of both maternal and infant survivability. Currently in the US we are at an average of 32%. Some places are double that.***

Breastfeeding Discrimination at Red Robin.

2010-06-23T23:07:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying that I chose to breastfeed all 3 of my children.
It was a rough road.
It took a lot of perseverance, strength, resolve, and more support than I ever thought I would need.
I nursed through inverted nipples, cracked, bleeding, raw nipples, mastitis, plugged ducts, over active letdown, thrush, eczema on my nipples, contact dermatitis on my nipples, a tongue tied infant, emergency surgeries, plane trips both with my husband and alone, sleepless nights, teething, bad latches, nursing strikes and various other issues.

All that to say I KNOW IT'S HARD!!! And I respect those who have tried and for what ever reason were unable to continue due any number of reasons. However, Breastfeeding is the BIOLOGICAL NORM for humans.

What I do NOT respect though is our society's attitude about breastfeeding in public. Lack support from the community they live in is a primary reason women either choose not to breastfeed in the first place or give up and quit within the first few weeks or months. Support for the breastfeeding dyad is virtually non-existent in many areas of our country. Without that support it is very hard to be successful. Even though breastfeeding is the how our species is supposed to feed our young, it doesn't mean it comes naturally to every woman. Community support is vital to the successful breastfeeding and when the public and businesses discriminate against breastfeeding mothers, by segregating them, asking them to cover up, leave, move, or stop feeding their children that support is eroded.

Here is an example of someone being discriminated against just for feeding her child:

Recently a friend of mine, Krista, was on a date with her husband at the Kennewick, Washington Red Robin when her infant daughter needed to be fed. She was in a booth and had to lift baby up pretty high to accommodate her and be able to latch correctly. She did not use a blanket or cover up and even though her baby was blocking nearly all of her breast from view, people in the restaurant evidently complained to the manager. The manager came over to Krista and asked her to cover up saying repeatedly that they were in a "family restaurant". Her husband explained to the manager the fact that what Krista was doing was protected by Washington state law. The manager did acknowledged that fact, but still insisted that she cover up even offering to bring her a shirt to use. What he didn't realize is that asking a woman to cover up while breastfeeding in the state of Washington is actually a violation of that woman's civil rights! Rather than cause a scene my friends paid their bill and left cutting their evening short. The whole situation didn't sit well with Krista or her husband. She posted what happened on her Facebook page and sent an email to an email list we are both a part of.

The discussion on her Facebook status became really involved and heated. It quickly turned to a discussion about being discreet and modest vs what the law protects. Modesty and discretion are hard to pin down. They are different for everyone. In many cases no matter how little skin your showing the ACT of breastfeeding is still seen as immodest or disgusting in some way by someone.

This is why in 28 states (including Washington) breastfeeding is exempt from public indecency laws even if the breastfeeding mother has her entire breast and nipple showing during the process of feeding her child.

Unfortunately the whole point of what happened was lost on many of the people commenting on this discussion. The point is that the manager of Red Robin violated Washington law and Krista's civil rights. When Krista contacted the corporate offices of Red Robin, her call was returned by a regional manager. This is what she told me happened.

"Their apology was (slightly paraphrased but true to feeling):

"We are so so sorry this happened, the Kennewick manager is going to be so embarrassed (I never got his name), and he'll know that's the law now"

BUT she also said (again, paraphrased but the feeling is correct):

"The manager's job is to make the majority comfortable, so if people are complaining about my nursing they're going to address me, and the managers won't always know what the law is."

She NEVER said they were going to implement a plan to educate all they're employees.

This in my opinion is inadequate. Business in states where the laws protect women from discrimination or interference when breastfeeding should KNOW THE LAW and they should TRAIN THEIR EMPLOYEES.
It is incumbent on them not the mother to deal with those who complain and inform them of the laws in place that protect the mother's right to feed her child, however that mother needs to do so.

I've always been an advocate for a woman's right to feed her child however, whenever and where ever that child needs to be fed. I don't discriminate against women who choose formula, or pump breast milk and feed their children from a bottle. Most businesses don't either, so why do they choose to single out and chastise women who are feeding their child the way nature intended? It is usually because another patron complained and they think that they are practicing good customer service by trying to fix the complaint.

The truth is that they are discriminating and judging one person's actions based on a the opinions of another. It is because of the subjective nature of this whole argument that we need laws to protect our rights in the first place. And beyond the laws we as consumers need to DEMAND that the businesses we frequent know the laws, have a concrete policy in place for breastfeeding customers and employees, train every employee on those policies, and stop the discrimination. If they don't then we have to let businesses know why we are choosing to end our patronage of their operation.

One way you can help is to contact Red Robin and ask them to create and implement a policy that follows the laws in the states where they operate their restaurants. Then ask them that they publish their breastfeeding policy, so we the consumers know that they are following the laws.

As of right now there isn't any plans for a 'nurse-in' as Krista isn't sure that's the right course of action. Her desire is to make sure that the corporation is following the laws and not discriminating against other nursing mothers. If any kind of protest is planned it will be a quiet presence to show Red Robin and their patrons that breastfeeding is NORMAL. No signs, No chants, No unruly conduct. Just a quiet show of support for a mom's right to feed her child. If you are interested in knowing how things turn out or any plans follow me on Twitter @faedemere and as I will be updating everyone via tweets.

Not Me Monday- June 21st, 2010-- Midsummer

2010-06-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

My "Not Me Monday" posts are usually full of sarcasm and snark about the lazy, imperfect, and comical moments in my otherwise pretty normal non-exciting life but today I did do something completely out of character for me.
I set my alarm and got up at FIVE AM IN THE MORNING!! ****gasp**** Yes me, up at quite literally dawn. ON PURPOSE. I'll let that sink in for a minute. And to make it even more astonishing......the coffee wasn't ready yet! Yes you read that right folks, Nichol was up before dawn on a MONDAY without any coffee at the ready, and it was entirely intentional!!
Some of you who know me might have figured out why, others are probably just still in shock that I would do something so outrageous, the rest of you probably don't care and are just playing along to humor me. But in truth this conscious decision to get up before the sunrise is related to my effort to live more mindfully. To recognize the passage of time rather than be swept up by it.
So on today the longest day of the year 2010, I got up to watch the beginning of it and plan on spending this day being ever mindful of it's passage. Starting tomorrow we loose daylight, and I for one hope I can make each moment count for the darkness comes back all too soon and way before we are ready!
Happy Midsummer to everyone! May the Light bless you and yours.

Thought into energy into action

2010-06-07T23:47:00.000-07:00

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action. And because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique and if you block it, it will never exists through any other medium. The world will not have it. . It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how valuable, nor how it compares with other expressions. It's your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly, and to keep the channel open." Martha Graham as quoted by Dr. Christiane Northrup at the end of her PBS special.

As part of looking inward and trying to find those thoughts that create the energy that moves towards action I wanted to share this quote. I find it soooo very profound.

Re-reading the past--learning for the present--applying it to the future

2010-06-05T00:27:00.000-07:00

Recently I decided to read back through some of my favorite novels from my childhood. To remember, and relive, to relearn, and rediscover all that joy and wonder they brought me back when I was 10 years old. I decided to start with Madeleine L'Engle's A Wrinkle In Time.

For those of you who have never read it, a brief summary:

Meg Murray is a child who is different. She's smart and she knows it, but she doesn't like being asked to prove it. She feels awkward and ungainly. Her parents are both scientists, her father has recently disappeared. Her little brother, Charles, "knows" things and is oddly smart for his young age of 5, but doesn't talk in public so people think he's dumb. 3 odd visitors, old eccentric women, come to the Murray house one night and take the siblings along with a neighbor friend Calvin on a wild time traveling adventure through space to save Mr. Murray from the evil, dark, Black Thing and the IT. The very thing that causes Meg to feel pain on Earth, her differences, is what allows her to defeat the IT and save both her father and in the end her little brother as well.

There is a part in this book that really resonates with me. The IT is trying to explain to the children how the way of the collective, "one mind", hive mind is better. How IT has taken away all misery, suffering, illness and disease and that all they have to do is "rest". No more decisions because IT makes them all, no more responsibilities because IT gives them all that they need, and no more worries because IT does all the thinking. All they have to do is GIVE IN.

IT says, "You see, what you will soon realize is that there is no need to fight me. Not only is there no need, but you will not have the slightest desire to do so. For why should you wish to fight someone who is here only to save you pain and trouble? For you, as well as for the rest of all the happy, useful people on this planet, I in my own strength, am willing to assume all the pain, all the responsibility, all the burdens of thought and decision.

Charles responds with, "We will make our own decisions, thank you."

IT replies, "But of course. And our decisions will be one, yours and mine. Don't you see how much better, how much easier for you that is?"

He goes on to try to get the children to say their multiplication tables together with IT. They fight him off at this point. Eventually Charles Wallace thinks he is stronger than IT and tries to face it head on. Giving himself to the force that eventually takes over his mind.

Later IT tries again using wrote learning to infect their minds and get them to be swayed to "give in"

This time Meg fights IT off by reciting the beginning of the Declaration of Independence.

IT replies, "But that is exactly what we have .... Complete equality. Everybody exactly alike!"

"NO!" says Meg realizing the truth of what the founders meant. "Like and equal are not the same thing at all!!"

That truth was so very important to Ms. L'Engle's audience back in 1963 and it is ever more important today. It is absolutely possible to be 100% different from someone else and still be completely equal in the rights we possess. And we do NOT need a larger than life governance telling us how to think, what to do when, how to behave, or where to go. But we have been told that we do need this "guidance" That we need someone to "level the playing field" so that we have an easier time of it and don't have to work as hard to be alike.

Every day I turn on the news to see some new regulation or law that limits our rights. I read a news story about a farmer being persecuted and prosecuted for feeding families as nature provides. I hear of a parent turned in to CPS for choosing not to inject their child with something they feel may be harmful. I see a school system that is more focused on conformity, test scores, and teacher's salaries than on the unique and special gifts our children embody. And I see people blindly following along and doing what they are told like those on the planet Camazotz. All bouncing their balls in the same rhythm. It is as scary to me as it is to children in the novel.

Embracing our differences is one way we can prevent the loss of our own selves. Standing up for the right of choice and the right to pursue our own chance, our own possibilities, on our own terms is even more important. It is our right not only to try, but to fail, pick ourselves up again, and keep on trying until we succeed. In fact one could almost say that our country's success has been build on our country's failure. By giving hand outs, instead of hands up we circumvent that process. We short circuit the learning process and create a society that expects things to come easy and when they don't society gives up or revolts because their entitlements aren't getting them anywhere. Easier is not better. Easy doesn't teach anything. We learn by doing, by trying, and yes by failing. And from that learning comes success and prosperity. IF we keep trying.

The 2nd step towards restoration of our liberty is embodied by another character in this book. Aunt Beast says, "We look not at the things which are what you would call seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporal. But the things which are not seen are eternal." She is talking about love, hope, charity, and faith. Those things that if we work toward giving them to not only others, but to ourselves, we can elevate the condition of our communities without spending a dime.

It is amazing how a re-read of a simple book can remind me of lessons I learned as a child and how relevant they are for our world today. Celebrating the differences with love, giving everyone the equal chance to succeed or fail all the while having faith in what hard work and hope for the future can do is how we are going to really cause change.

Wordless Wednesday-June 2nd 2010--Happy Birthday Lily!

2010-06-02T10:41:00.000-07:00

5 years ago

2010-05-29T05:42:00.000-07:00

5 years ago I was trying my hardest to rest after labor stopped AGAIN! Marc and I went and saw Revenge of the Sith while his dad and step-mom watch the boys. I actually went into labor during the movie, and hoped that Lily would arrive while they were still in town only to have it stop as soon as I got home and laid down. It came and went all night long........5/26 10:39pm

5 years ago I was up eating the breakfast my husband made me and waiting for his parents to come say goodbye before they got on a plane back to South Carolina. Contractions were about 10 minutes apart still like they had been off and on all night. 5/27 7:35am

5 years ago I was rocking on the birth ball in my living room while saying goodbye to my inlaws. Labor had indeed started, but it was slow going! Sad to see them go, and sad that they would just be missing the birth of their granddaughter! 8:13am

5 years ago I was changing my clothes, Marc was calling our Doula and the Birthcenter, we loaded up the boys our bags and headed out to Tualatin to settle in for labor. 9:55am

5 years ago I was finally in active labor! I settled into the tub and called the family to let them know Lily was on her way! 11:14am

5 years ago I floated in a tub of warm water, surrounded by flickering candles, the faces of women I trusted, and the power of every laboring woman who had come before me. I felt their energy as I sored through each contraction going deep within myself to find the beautiful and power of the moment. 1:02pm

5 years ago I was still laboring away. the AC at the birthcenter had shut off, my midwives and husband were melting while I was in a warm tub floating through contractions. Lily's arrival was still abouit 4 hours away! 5:56pm

5 years ago transition hit, but with a power and excitement I didn't experience with my boys. I was so excited because this meant Lily was almost ready to be pushed out!! 6:32pm

5 years ago I started feeling the urge to push!! Just little moments of my body working to move that baby down. I will always be amazed at how my body just knew what to do. I didn't push per say as much as it was my body pushing of its own will. About now I decided it was time to go back to the tub; as I got to the side of it about to climb in my body said, "PUSH!!!!!" I did and my water broke with that first push. 7:57pm

5 years ago having tried out the birth stool and deciding I HATED it, I got back into the tub and started pushing in earnest. I with Marc at my shoulder holding me under my arms and my wonderful midwives encourage me the whole way I kept at it. Determined and powerful. I had never felt so alive or so empowered! 8:24pm

5 years ago Colton and Austin had joined us by the tub, and Lily was crowning. Almost time now.......8:52pm

5 years ago today at 9:01pm Lillian Elizabeth was born in the water of the Lavendar Room Tub at Andaluz Waterbirth Center in Tualatin, Oregon. Her brother Austin cut her cord a few minutes later and the whole room sang Happy Birthday to our sweet daughter. Happy 5th Birthday Princess Lilybug!! 9:01pm Pacific Time

Not Me Monday-It's been awhile....May 24th, 2010

2010-05-24T21:59:00.000-07:00

So I've gotten out of the habit of weekly blogging, not because I've been off doing some important life changing work, although life has certainly been changing, and not because I have been so busy that I didn't time, and certainly not because I've spent too much time on Facebook sharing links about birth, breastfeeding, or parenting. NO I could never be accused of too much time on Facebook. NOPE NOT ME!
I definitely didn't spend my morning working on my webpage for my business and then my afternoon curled up on the couch watching The Wizard of Oz with my daughter, totally neglecting the fact that my husband is out of tshirts (the white underwear kind, not the wear with jeans kind) until 8pm.
Oh and I have NOT turned into a morning person, even though I'm going to bed before 11pm and up by 7:30 nearly every morning, EVEN ON THE WEEKENDS. Don't let the smile over my cup of coffee confuse you.
And two weeks ago I didn't spend nearly all evening on Saturday planning my garden on graph paper:

Nor did I get up at 6am ON A SUNDAY to start working in my garden by 8, measuring and laying it all out with twine and stakes before planting a single seed. Nor did I have it all planted by dinner time. There is no way my children actually got out there and helped me out of their own free will with no bribes involved, And I definitely didn't forget to put on any sunblock and get a wonderful burn on my shoulders that is NOT at this very moment itching like a son of a biscuit!

Of course after the heat in the garden and all the hard work they didn't do, playing in the sprinkler was definitely not something I'd allow!! And those are certainly NOT rain boots on my daughter. LOL!

Of course now that I've begun posting again, I am certainly NOT going to promise any regularity since it's become quite evident that being consistent is really NOT ME.

Human American not an option on the new school forms.

2010-04-17T12:13:00.000-07:00

I was sitting down to fill out Lily's kinder registration this week and came across the section that I usually skip. The one where they ask you to fill in your child's race. Well this year instead of the normal (optional) written beside the section heading it has been replaced with (required). ?!?!??!?!WHAT!?!?!?! Required???? I'm being told by the gov't (the school is a gov't entity btw) that I'm required to label my child.

I looked a bit further into the paperwork and found the handout explaining the changes to the student enrollment forms for the upcoming year. In bold on that handout it states:

   Beginning with the 2010-2011 school year, the federal government is requiring school districts to follow new standards with regard to collecting student and stave race and ethnicity data. Oregon schools must make changes to follow these new reporting requirements.

Then following that they explain how to determine the correct way to report your child's race and ethnicity. Seriously? Why? What does it matter? It makes no sense to me. It didn't make sense to my nearly 9 year old son either. I asked him what race he thought he was and he answered, "American". BINGO! Exactly! If a 9 year old can get that race labels shouldn't matter why can't a bunch of supposedly well educated bureaucrats?

My kids are all HUMAN and they are all AMERICAN. Period. Enough said.

But apparently that isn't enough for the federal government. The new regulations will not allow the schools to turn in blank forms. That means that they have to fill in the information if you leave it out, and of course that means the schools have to determine what race/ethnicity my child is. Um no, I don't think so. I don't need someone labeling my kid. Could you look at my kids and know they had Hispanic heritage? What about children of mixed race. For instance my friends who's kids are both of Korean and European decent? What would the school bean counter choose for the form especially if they hadn't met both parents? Why the heck does it even matter? What happens when one child looks more Asian and the other more European. Does that mean they aren't the same race???

And then comes the question, what are they going to do with the information they collect???

I feel sorry for the schools who are obviously going to face other parents who question their right to collect such data when all they are trying to do is follow the stupid rules set by the feds in order to secure funding. And that brings me to the next logical step in this argument.   It is no different than the census in my opinion, they have no constitutional right to gather anything other than the number of people living in my house, but they push the envelope and asked a ton of questions about race and ethnicity. Why are we still dolling out funds on the basis of race demographics?

Shouldn't we be passed that by now? I could understand it 40 even 20 years ago. But now when almost every school has a huge range of diversity why does it matter?? People will argue that it is so those who are ESL (English as a 2nd Language) students get the help they need. Well ok, so ask the question what is your primary language and what is spoken in your home? No need for the race question there. Others will say that schools with a high level of minorities have lower socioeconomic levels and need more funding. Not necessarily true.  And why don't you just ask for a wage range instead of race if economic levels are truly what you are concerned about??

We live in a country where the highest office in the land is held by someone of mixed heritage and dark skin, we tell our children that everyone is equal and that they should look past skin color, yet we are still saying that skin color makes a difference and should be counted when considering funding for schools?? Seriously?? Talk about mixed messages.

In the end I left it blank. I will figure out how to keep it that way if we decide to keep the kids in public school. Right now we are seriously leaning toward homeschooling.

References:
http://www.beaverton.k12.or.us/home/departments/info-and-tech/policies-regulations-and-guidelines/ethnicitychange
http://www.beaverton.k12.or.us/pdf/it/it_Parent%20Letter.pdf
http://www.beaverton.k12.or.us/pdf/it/it_Ethnicity%20Brochure.pdf

Wordless Wednesday-March 31th, 2010

2010-03-31T08:57:00.000-07:00

Broken Collar Bone.

Wordless Wednesday-March 10th, 2010

2010-03-10T13:01:00.000-08:00

Too cute not to share!~

37 years . . . looking back and moving forward.

2010-03-07T21:21:00.000-08:00

Today at 8:25am Central time (as my mother reminds me every year) I turned 37 years old. I'm "pushing 40" as my lovely grandmother so sweetly pointed out during her phone call this morning. As I sit here in reflecting on the last 3 and a half decades, I can honestly say I've no regrets. I happily look back and marvel at the path my life has taken both geographically and metaphorically. I'm happy to be the age I am. I am happy to be where I am. I am happy to have those in my life who build me up rather than tear me down.

I. Am. Happy.

I went from a town that must have counted cats and dogs to get to the 1000 in population posted on its sign by the highway that ran past, to the bustling metropolis of Chicago and it's suburbs. I spent 5 years expanding my mind and my horizons in the Windy City and soaking up all college life could offer. After the winters of cold and ice I followed love and a southerly wind to make my way down to Florida. Living in Orlando, working at Walt Disney World and in a semiconductor fab, I found myself really soul searching and looking for my path. My relationship fell apart, and I went with it. Gathering up the pieces I looked and found friends who supported me and soon one of them became the love of my life.

Together Marc and I took a path to the west and landed in Austin, TX where we married and started our family. In the Texas Hill Country my dream of becoming a mother came true twice over with two beautiful boys born in 2001 and 2003. I left the work force and became a "stay at home mom" and found one of my true callings. As industries do, the tech industry in Austin took a down turn and we ended up following where the jobs were and moved to Portland, Oregon. And once here we added a 3rd child, this time a girl, to our family.

I never would have dreamed of moving to the Pacific Northwest back when I was bundled against the frigid winter winds in Chicago. It was never in my vision for my life. Living close to the ocean or mountains certainly was, as I always dreamed of leaving the flatlands of "Farm Country USA". Little did I know I'd be a few hours drive from both!

I'm enchanted with the beauty all around me here. The trees that tower over and nearly close out the sky are like watchful sentinels keeping watch over the land. The near constant drizzle in the winter that gives such a contrast to the bright sunny days when "the mountain comes out" and takes your breath away because you've forgotten just how truly majestic it really is filling the Eastern horizon. The riot of colors and scents of flowers everywhere when Spring comes a full month earlier than it did back home and fills my heart with hope. The many vibrant shades of green in the summer with days warm and inviting and nights that are cool and crisp that prompt us to pack up the family and head out to explore the great outdoors and camp under the stars. The amazing fall colors that take your breath away and remind you that the seasons turn in a way that is perfect and profound.

We are now in the spring of 2010 and there are daffodils and cherry blossoms everywhere you look. Each splash of color I see makes me smile and gives me a small jolt of joy in my heart as I see our earth reawakening after the grey and damp of winter. We are starting a new phase here. A new year for me. A lucky year, I hope.

Funny thing for me I've always been particularly drawn to the numbers 3 and 7 as they seem to be prevalent in my life. 3rd month, 7th day, in 1973, 3rd day of the week. And this year turning 37, when things are changing in ways I don't yet know how, seems to be a good omen, a new start, a good year in the making. It is often said that when God closes a door he opens a window, and in this ending, this door closing, I feel that not only has a window been opened but that the sashes have all been thrown wide and the possibilities are truly limitless.

I am really excited about this year and all that it will bring. Later this month my mother-in-law is coming and bringing my 8 year old niece to spend a few days with us and we will be going to the mountain to play in the snow. In April I will do my Labor Doula training, in May Childbirth and Lactation Educator training, in June and July I hope to start attending births and teaching classes! This summer both my father-in-law and my mother will be coming to visit. In the fall Marc will be finishing school and Lily will start school! Add in all the birthdays and holidays, the evenings just hanging out with friends, trips to the coast, hikes, conversations, time on the sofa snuggling with my kids & husband, and the moments of quiet to reflect on it all and I can truly say I have so much to look forward to this year!

Olympic Memories

2010-02-12T22:18:00.000-08:00

Every 4 years (2 years now) growing up our family gathered in front of my grandparent's console TV to watch America's finest compete against the world for gold.

In 1976 I was 3 years old. And I sat on my Nanan's lap to watch Dorothy Hamill win figure skating gold for the USA. That began my love affair with ice skating and lead me to take lessons and get a cute new hair cut. Also that year we sat in awe of a little girl from Romania who scored a perfect 10 on the uneven bars. Nadia Comaneci inspired me to practice and practice until I mastered the summersault and the cartwheel. Back then I had dreams of taking center ice and performing a perfect double Salchow, or scoring a perfect 10 on the balance beam and leading my team to the Women's All-Around Gold.

By the time 1980 rolled around and as a nation we cheered when the US Men took down the USSR in Hockey in Lake Placid and then we as a nation boycotted the Summer Olympics in Moscow I had given up my dreams of being an Olympic athlete in favor of being a teacher or a astronaut, but I never stopped loving watching the games.

In 1984 when Mary Lou Retton made history with 10s in the vault and the floor to win all-around gold by a very narrow margin I was back to wishing I could take gymnastics lessons and begged and begged my mom to let me try. Unfortunately it was not to be for me, so I just practiced my heart out in the back yard, went out for cheerleading in Jr. High and got my gymnastics fix that way.

Every year forward both the Summer and Winter games were highlight for me. I can remember with near perfection every Ladies Figure Skating Gold Medalist, and every Women's All-Around Gold Medalist from 1984 forward. I remember where I was when they won gold, who I watched the competitions with, who I was dating, and so on. That is how much of an effect the games have had on my memory.

I've laughed, cried, paced, cheered for the amazing athletes. Found favorites to follow from countries all over the world. I love learning about the host countries and cities and seeing the kids who have worked so hard step up onto the podiums to get their medals with the national anthem of the gold medalist playing proudly. Watching the open and closing ceremonies in awe of the creativity of those who put them all together.

This year will be no different. I will watch from opening to close, laugh and cry, hope and celebrate.BUT this year will be different in one very big way. THIS year one of my Olympic Dreams comes true. THIS year I will have the blessing of watching with my children. I will be able to watch figure skating with my daughter and revel in the delight on HER face that will most assuredly mirror my own. This year I will get to watch my oldest son see his own Olympic dreams in the faces of the Alpine Skiers and the Snowboarders, now that he's gotten a taste of downhill skiing and so very much wants to learn how to snowboard. This year I will get to watch my dear 6 year old marvel at the spectacle that is Curling. This year new Olympic memories will be made and I will enjoy each and every one of them!

A new blog carnival for me!

2010-02-11T15:27:00.000-08:00

So I found a new blog carnival that I have decided to participate in! I love doing these so much because they give me a direction for writing something even when I don't feel like I have something to say. It is also a great way for me to find new blogs to read and get new readers to come check out my little corner of cyberspace.

If you follow this blog you know I routinely do Not Me Monday's from MckMama's blog and the universally well known Wordless Wednesday (WW). So now I'm adding You Capture to the routine. Like WW, it's all about capturing parts of one's life in photos, but rather than letting the photos speak and be about any subject I wish, You Capture has a Weekly Challenge and allows for words as well to tell the story of the photo.

So here we go! My first You Capture assignment is .........drum roll.....please........WORK!

Being a "stay at home mom" the concept of work is quite different for me than a lot of people. But trust me I take me work every bit as seriously has any Fortune 500 executive!! Probably even more so some days. I wear so many different hats during the course of my "job". Here are a glimpse of a few.

Today my tasks were all about spending time with my 4 1/2 year old daughter Lily.

We spent 2 hours playing board games including The Ladybug Game and Triominos. Both of which are AWESOME tools for understanding numbers, turn taking, problem solving etc etc. So in a sense I am a part time Teacher. And of course I forgot to "capture" that part of my job, but I did get the next part!

Next up part time Face Painting Artist!

Of course having all the supplies out we couldn't very well just stop at doing her face, so we did hands too!

And then she wanted a picture with all of "her cat friends".....

I found Fudge (the black and which tuxedo kitty), and Stormy the Girl Cat for the picture, but Stormy the Boy Cat was MIA.

But don't worry when I headed up to do the next part of my "job" I found him! Sleeping in my "too be folded" pile of laundry.

So my day isn't exactly rough, but folding and putting away laundry is certainly work, especially when your cat decides it makes a great bed.

So if you want to see what else everyone "captured" today and every Thursday, head on over to Beth's awesome blog "I Should Be Folding Laundry" and check out the links.

Wordless Wednesday--Feb 10th 2010 Welcome Spring

2010-02-10T09:57:00.000-08:00

Wordless Wednesday

Not Me Monday-February 8th edition

2010-02-08T13:17:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I am not at a loss for words. Not me. Not ever. Nope. /sigh

Wordless Wednesday--Feb 3rd 2010 For the love of Turtles...

2010-02-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

Big changes are coming.....and I don't like it.

2010-02-01T20:26:00.000-08:00

Many of you know what a rough year this has been for us financially. It's been difficult all over and we are no exception. I've been out of work now for a year, Marc's company cut some of his compensation, and our mortgage went up like so many other homeowner's across our country.

We've been working with our lender to try to work something out. It seems to take forever. We started the process back on October when we knew we were going to start having trouble making ends meet. We only just now were given their "final offer". And it isn't a solution we can live with. So, we are selling our house. After doing our taxes we made 15K LESS than we made in 2008 and that tells the whole story right there.

This is such a mixed bag for me. I hate being strapped and having to play "bill lottery" every payday. I hate having to clip coupons and shop at 4 different stores to save the most money on food, but still get quality food for my family. I hate having to give up even small conveniences because we just can't afford them. So paying less a month for housing/utilities etc will free up some money for the extras, for the nice things in life that we've done without. We will be able to pay off the van really fast, and maybe even get a small commuter car for Marc, so I can have a vehicle during the day. We will be able to turn the maintenance over to someone else and not worry about what happens if something breaks. We can take the occasional trip to the coast and not worry about the money it costs in gas quite as much as we have to now. We could even save up for a family trip back east to see my parents and grandparents, which we have not done since Lily was born. We will be much more mobile and ready to accept any new opportunities that come our way, like a transfer back to Texas to be closer to family (one can hope!).

On the other hand, I will have to give up the freedom to paint my walls any color I choose. I will be giving up my mature, amazingly well producing strawberry patch, my flower beds, and my yard that I have spend so many hours lovingly tending.

This alone makes me want to cry.

I will have to once again leave a kids bedroom behind that I worked so hard to paint, decorate, do murals on etc.

We will most likely have to rent a storage unit and loose the ability to use our full size deep freezer. Depending on where we move the kids may loose the ability to safely play outside without constant adult supervision. They will be leaving friends behind. If we can't find a place in their current school district there will be a starting over for all of us. For them with making new friends, learning a new school, and adjusting to new teachers. For me to build a report with a whole new administration and staff.

No matter where we end up I will be spending the next few weeks scrounging for boxes and packing up all our belongings, purging out what we no longer want to carry along with us, and getting ready for this next chapter in the story of our lives. I will have to get the house ready for sale. I will have to paint over the pink and purple of my daughter's room. I will be searching high and low for the best possible place for us to relocate to. And I will be praying it all goes smoothly even though I know how my luck runs, and I'm certain this road too will be littered with potholes.

I have to believe we are meant to do this, that everything happens for a reason, but I don't have to like it right now. I need to let myself be sad and grieve the loss.

Tonight I will cry.

Tomorrow I will call the Realtor.

Not Me Monday-February 1st edition

2010-01-31T23:35:00.000-08:00

So Auz is making his pine wood derby car and is totally thrilled at having to do all the sanding himself! And being the loving mom I absolutely did NOT help him and made him do it himself.

Colton worked so very hard, as is evidenced by the precise way he's holding his tongue. He absolutely did NOT want my help. Truly.

We got all geared up for the race, I DID sit there and video tape each finish to make sure we got the order right, but I did NOT accidentally delete the 1st 3 heats and cause us to have to run them over again.

Colton's car DID come in 3rd place and we are all thrilled for him! And of course NO WAY did I feel a secret extra bit of joy over the fact that he beat out his big brother. I would never think that my oldest loosing to his brother was a GOOD LESSON in sportsmanship. Nope NOT ME!

And there is no way I am even more excited than this amazing little boy to be going to the District Race! LOL!!!!!

Colton's Creation

Austin's OSU inspired roadster.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Wordless Wednesday-January 27th 2010--Silver Falls State Park

2010-01-27T16:50:00.000-08:00

Lonely path into the future. Who knows what it holds.

Not Me (My Child) Monday- January 25th, 2010 Edition

2010-01-25T09:11:00.000-08:00

So my oldest son went home with a friend on Friday to spend the night and go sledding on Saturday. Knowing how much he loves snow I was excited for him.
What I did NOT expect is for them to end up going skiing. There is no way my "shy to try new things" son would strap on a pair of skies, use a lift, and go barreling down the slopes. Right?
WRONG!! According to Rebecca and Nate he did just that! And had a grand time doing it! I was so surprised how much he loved the experience. It is all he's talked about since he got home! I will post pictures as soon as I get them from Rebecca.
So one would think that after being brave enough to ski for the 1st time, this same son would be brave enough to try skating again after having fallen his first time last year. I mean we were at a skating party for his classmate and one usually skates at skating parties right?? UM no. NOT MY KID. He stayed at the rink for 2 1/2 hours and never once tied on a pair of skates.
What can I say he's an enigma.

Welcome to Not Me My Child! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Wordless (almost) Wednesday--Jan. 20th 2010--Lilybug's New Friend

2010-01-20T08:23:00.000-08:00

A grey kitty is chosen

A hug is given and a wish is made.

A heart is kissed and placed inside.

And it's done! A friend is born!

A quick fluff in the air bath, with brothers' help.

And here she is! "Stormy the Girl Cat"

Not to be confused with "Stormy the Boy Cat"

See what other's have to say, or well to "not say" every Wordless Wednesday.

Not Me Monday-Tuesday January 19th edition

2010-01-19T10:38:00.000-08:00

So here's the deal, I did not spend hours at the mall yesterday with all 3 of my kids and actually have a tremendous time! Because everyone knows how absolutely nightmarish taking kids to the mall can be right?
There is no way the my boys would actually have fun helping their sister pick out a new stuffed animal at build-a-bear, and likewise no way she would enjoy helping them choose legos!
We did not enjoy sitting down for lunch with out any bickering, spilled food, or stressful moments. And I did not have some really amazing conversations in the car.
And lastly I did not have such a good time that I ran out of time to write my Not-me-Monday post and end up having to do it on Tuesday!

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Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Where I've been

2010-01-17T09:45:00.000-08:00

Just for fun I thought it would be neat to make a map of all the states I've visited!

Where have you been??

Go here to create your own map.

Blogging with Boldness--Postpartum Depression: One mom's truth in despair.

2010-01-14T09:30:00.000-08:00

As the saying goes my family has a "history of mental illness". Bi-polar, manic-depression, social anxiety, depression, postpartum depression (PPD), general anxiety disorder,etc etc. My family also has a history of not talking about it. Or if it is talked about it's in hushed, whispered tones behind the afflicted person's back. So I had no idea what to do when I first was diagnosed with a mild form of Bi-polar and Situational Depression in 1997-8.

I got treatment, sought therapy, turned to alternative approaches to stress management like yoga and meditation and pretty much got better. As my situations changed my depression would ebb and flow much like a tide. More stress, more emotional bombardment equaled more depression, sadness, and melancholy and vice versa. After meeting my husband, leaving my boyfriend, relocating, and settling down, I had such a change in my environment for the better that I went off medication, stopped therapy (actually I never made the effort to find a new therapist upon arrival in TX), but continued the yoga and meditation. After the birth of my 1st child I went normal hormonally induced "baby blues". I was able to function pretty well, got out of bed, went places etc. etc. just had moments of unexplained sadness and what I liked to call "the downs."

At the time I as pretty involved in API and LLL meetings as well as a women's spirituality group at our local Unitarian Church. I had started to make some pretty cool mama friends, and all of that helped so much when it came to getting out of "the downs." My husband was an incredible hands on papa, who would do just about anything we needed done. He went out and bough us our first sling when little man was diagnosed with reflux after seeing how helpful babywearing could be at one of the parenting meetings he attended with me. He then learned how to use the sling and would wear our son doing all sorts of tasks around the house just so I could take a shower or get a moment alone. Our first son didn't sleep well, so we were both tired, and pretty strung out, but we had a good teamwork ethic and I had a ton of support from my new found friends. The baby blues subsided and I put the thoughts of sadness and melancholy behind me as I delighted in being a mom. No one told me that this history of "baby blues" and my prior history with mental illness put me at risk for PPD.

Fast forward about 19 months....I was pregnant with our 2nd child and our world sort of imploded. My husband was laid off from his job. Because of that I was now on state health care and I had to switch from my midwife and the home birth I so dearly wanted that wasn't covered back to my OB and another hospital birth that terrified me because it was paid for by the state. Also in order to keep ourselves fed I went on WIC. Just being in that office was enough to depress me! About a month before boy number two entered the world, my husband got a new job. Joyous occasion right? Well sort of. It turned out that the headquarters for the job was in Baltimore and his training was schedule for 1 week after my due date. He'd be there for 2 weeks. So the best case scenario was I would deliver early and have some time with daddy home with us before having to parent a newborn and a toddler on my own. Worst case was I'd be late like I was with number 1 and daddy would even be there for the birth. I often wonder if what I went through in the next year didn't start right then and there when my husband lost his job. Can it be postpartum depression if I was depressed before the baby was born??

What did happen was that boy child number 2 arrived a week before his due date. The hospital ended up not being so scary, and I got my intervention free birth I longed for. I had another beautiful baby boy, two weeks to look forward to with my husband home all day and night, and friends who were going to take our oldest for a couple of days so we could settle in. I had loads of women caring for me and my family. They brought food and pampering and gifts for my toddler. They cared for us so well! I was happy!

Until.........

At 7 days postpartum I developed a sudden high fever, body aches, and nausea. I called my OB's office and although she was on vacation they got me in to one of her partners right away. After examining me the doc was pretty sure I had retained placenta and that I still had a piece of the placenta attachted inside my uterus and it had become infected. I had an ultrasound just to be sure, then she gave me a shot in the ass of Rocephin, called ahead for me to go next door to be checked into the hospital and have an emergency D&C.

It was all too much. I hadn't pumped any milk, I was away from my newborn baby, I had just been celebrating a very non medical birth and now I was off to emergency surgery under general anesthesia!! Everyone did all they could to rally around me. Looking back even now I can't adequately express how blessed I was to have the friends I did, to have my husband so willing and able to take care of a toddler and baby on his own. I was so grateful, and yet I felt soo incredibly sad. It was as if this separation from my baby, this surgery somehow negated how hard I had fought to have a natural birth in that very same hospital.

I healed from surgery, recovered from the infection, and survived the 2 weeks of training my husband had to do on the east coast again with the help friends, family, and much internal will. But after that the reality of what our life was to be like with this new job set in. There was sooo much travel involved. I would be asleep when my husband left in the morning and barely getting the kids to bed before falling in bed myself when he would get home, if he came home that night at all. So many weeks he'd be off to Los Angeles or New Orleans for days at a time. The boys were barely 21 months apart. In so many ways I still had 2 babies to care for. I was tandem nursing, co-sleeping, and tandem babywearing just to keep up with their needs. My friends helped, and I still tried to get to meetings, but getting out of the house with 2 little ones and getting anywhere on time was more and more difficult. The energy it took to go anywhere just wasn't there the longer I was alone with the boys. I spend a lot of time alone at home and became really really depressed. I didn't see it though. And neither did my husband. I would put on a happy face when ever he was home, not wanting him to feel guilty for being way, and not wanting him to worry about me while he was earning the money that kept a roof over our heads. So I kept it to myself.

I would have visions of walking out the front door and not looking back. Just keep walking away from all the crying, stress, poopy diapers, stress, demands on my body, stress.......You get the picture. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I would be instantly angry for the littlest of things. I stopped wanted to be touched by anyone. Even my children. Especially my children. Breastfeeding stopped being a sweet moment between mother and child and started being torture. During this time I also had some severe nipple damage due to a latch issue and contact dermatitis from food left in my toddler's mouth from a meal he had before he nursed down for a nap. So now not only did I not want to be touched or hold my children, nursing them was painful beyond imagination. It took months to finally get our nursing issues fixed, but in my head I still had bad feelings associated with breastfeeding that led to huge amounts of guild and sadness. I hated sharing my bed with little squirmy boys who routinely soaked my bed. Yet I couldn't bear the idea of them sleeping any other place but next to me. There was a constant push pull of emotions. Truly despising my "job" as mom, then absolutely delighting in something one of the boys would do, then the guilt and self loathing that came all to often because of the hate I had felt towards them earlier. And still I told no one. I kept it to myself with the exception of the occasional complaint to my mom or my friends about how tired I was or how much I missed my husband.

Looking back now I really can't say how long I suffered in silence. How long I would despair over my husband's next trip and break down in tears the moment he left the drive. All I know is that it was absolutely the darkest time in my life. Ever. And I was afraid. Afraid I would actually walk out the door and leave it all behind, including my kids. Afraid of what my husband would think, what my family would think or say. Afraid of what my friends (all crunchy natural mamas who didn't so much as take cough meds) would think if I went to a shrink or took meds.

Thankfully my fear was unfounded. Thankfully one of my closest friends and eventually my husband saw what was going on and they convinced me to go into my OB for evaluation. Thankfully my OB was very well aware of what postpartum depression is and how it can affect a mom's life, a child's life, a family's life. Thankfully she was knowledgeable about medications and breastfeeding and she was able to offer me treatment that wouldn't mean I had to wean my baby. Thankfully she told me what I had longed to hear, that it was ok to feel the way I was feeling and that there was help for me. Thankfully I got help.

Sadly though there are many women out there who, like me, don't realize what's going on. So many don't understand why they cry all the time even though their baby is 4 months old because they are told early on, "Oh it's only baby blues! It will pass." I was lucky I had a friend who saw what I didn't see and helped me to get help. Many women out there don't have someone paying that close attention to them and their daily struggles to see when/if it becomes severe enough to need help. Many still struggle with the guilt and stigma associated with mental illness so they remain quite. It is for those women and the people who love them that I boldly tell my story.

If you have any of the symptoms of PPD or if you know someone who does seek help. There are so many mom support groups specifically geared toward PPD, some even online, and so many treatments from natural to pharmaceutical. But most of all know that you are not alone.

Wordless Wednesday--Jan. 13th 2010--Snow Play

2010-01-13T13:57:00.000-08:00

Snow Play the last week in December 09 made Christmas/Yule complete for my kiddos.

Blogging with Boldness

2010-01-12T21:12:00.000-08:00

A fellow mama and blogger, MckMama, had the following to say about "blogging boldly" and it really resonated with me:

Instead of being hung up excessively on what others are going to think of me when I blog this, say that, do whatever, I can finally stand firm, not giving a rip if my well intentioned words are still twisted by someone with nothing better to do.

I think that is the key, "well intentioned words." The fact that truly in my heart I do not mean anyone any ill will. I only strive to express MY truth as it manifests in my daily life as a mom, a wife, a volunteer, a knitter, an advocate, and an American.

So much of my life I've spent excess energy trying to please people. Keeping the peace in my family and stuffing all of my own beliefs way down until my own identity became somewhat ambiguous. It took years for me to realize I just needed to be me. I give my husband a lot of credit for helping me wake up to that fact. Even now though I have moments where I back track on my stance and try to smooth ruffled feathers because someone thinks I'm too abrasive or too over the top in my point of view. All to often I end up making it worse or devaluing my original stance to make it more "acceptable." No more. If I don't stand for my beliefs I loose something even more important that the acceptance of acquaintances. My integrity.

So here's to 2010 and speaking my truth as painful as it might be for me to do. Blogging with Boldness about life, love, kids, crisis, passions, and politics! So here's your warning dear readers, tread with care from here on out there might be monsters.....

Not Me Monday-January 11th edition

2010-01-11T09:30:00.000-08:00

I absolutley do not still have my Christmas tree up and the boxes all the decorations are supposed to go in are not still stacked in front of my fireplace where they have NOT been since Saturday.

And since it wasn't me that left it all there in it's cluttered glory, I suppose it will be me that as to deal with it all today! Hurray for Mondays.

Thursday Quotes-

2010-01-07T09:05:00.000-08:00

And now for your Thursday reading pleasure...some Breastfeeding quotes*:

Breastfeeding is an unsentimental metaphor for how love works, in a way. You don't decide how much and how deeply to love - you respond to the beloved, and give with joy exactly as much as they want. ~Marni Jackson

No one could give her such soothing and sensible consolation as this little three-month-old creature when he lay at her breast and she felt the movement of his lips and the snuffling of his tiny nose. ~Leo Tolstoy

If a multinational company developed a product that was a nutritionally balanced and delicious food, a wonder drug that both prevented and treated disease, cost almost nothing to produce and could be delivered in quantities controlled by the consumers' needs, the very announcement of their find would send their shares rocketing to the top of the stock market. The scientists who developed the product would win prizes and the wealth and influence of everyone involved would increase dramatically. Women have been producing such a miraculous substance, breastmilk, since the beginning of human existence. ~Gabrielle Palmer

A baby nursing at a mother's breast... is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature. ~David Suzuki

A newborn baby has only three demands. They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence. Breastfeeding satisfies all three. ~Grantly Dick-Read

While breastfeeding may not seem the right choice for every parent, it is the best choice for every baby. ~Amy Spangler

Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind. ~Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac, 1981

My opinion is that anybody offended by breastfeeding is staring too hard. ~David Allen

When an actress takes off her clothes onscreen but a nursing mother is told to leave, what message do we send about the roles of women? In some ways we're as committed to the old madonna-whore dichotomy as ever. And the madonna stays home, feeding the baby behind the blinds, a vestige of those days when for a lady to venture out was a flagrant act of public exposure. ~Anna Quindlen

When we trust the makers of baby formula more than we do our own ability to nourish our babies, we lose a chance to claim an aspect of our power as women. Thinking that baby formula is as good as breast milk is believing that thirty years of technology is superior to three million years of nature's evolution. Countless women have regained trust in their bodies through nursing their children, even if they weren't sure at first that they could do it. It is an act of female power, and I think of it as feminism in its purest form. ~Christine Northrup

In modern consumer society, the attack on mother-child eroticism took its total form; breastfeeding was proscribed and the breasts reserved for the husband's fetishistic delectation. At the same time, babies were segregated, put into cold beds alone and not picked up if they cried. ~Germaine Greer

*Quotes from The Quote Garden

"Alien Smoothies"

2010-01-06T11:22:00.000-08:00

"Alien Smoothies"

So after getting this horrible evil illness known as Strep Throat, I tried a number of things to help the pain. What ended up helping the most were really cold things like popsicles and smoothies.

So today I ended up making a smoothie made out of the following:

1 cup of mixed frozen fruit (strawberries, mango, peaches)

1 cup of frozen strawberries

1 banana

1 avocado

1 cup fresh spinach

1 cup of rice milk

1 cup of vanilla yogurt (Tillamook)

2 T flax seed meal

a packet of Emergen-C

2 capsules of Omega complex (squeezed the oil out, didn't put the gelatin capsule in)

The result was a greenish, creamy, frozen concoction that my 4 year old promptly dubbed "The Alien Smoothie"

It tasted absolutely amazing!! And felt great on my throat.

2009-12-28T09:20:00.000-08:00

Well there isn't a lot to report this week, but I can definitely say we did not let the kids eat all the candy and cookies they wanted this weekend!

I also did not go back on my word to take back the movies that the kids found by snooping in our room before Christmas. That's right I was not a push over and let them watch one of them last night......

2009-12-27T21:46:00.000-08:00

Christmas cookie baking time!!

Colton loved the creative freedom of 2 piles of dough and no retraint!

Even Marc got into the action!

Proud cookie bakers!!

The finished product!

2009-12-21T09:29:00.000-08:00

Funny enough I don't have anything I'm not supposed to share today! But I couldn't miss the chance at the link back to MckMama's awesome blog, which is particularly funny today.

2009-12-21T09:07:00.000-08:00

Solstice and 1st day of winter break!

The kids woke up at 7, the parents at 8. It's really grey and overcast, so there was no seeing the sun.

There is a video game going on the TV and I'm sitting on the couch with my computer, cup o' coffee, and a yummy biscuit with apple-pear butter on it. Life is good!

One of Austin's friends will be over at 11 to play, and some other friends will be by after noon to hang for a bit. I have no other plans today, except to try to get some wrapping done, perhaps work on some laundry, and I need to find room in the refrigerator for the turkey so it can thaw.

We will probably make cookies at some point today. I have a committee meeting tonight, so I also need to type up an agenda for that.

Tomorrow we will be cleaning the carpets and getting the house ready for friends on Christmas Eve. More wrapping gifts, and probably a trip out to the store for stocking stuffers. It feels weird to have all my shopping done, and all my gifts mailed out! I am usually one of those who is rushing about the few days before Christmas trying to get it all in order.

I'm thinking ahead to some of the things I have planned for the next 2 weeks. Some of crafts, a few outings, and lots of playtime. Hopefully the kids will be able to get out to some friends' houses for play dates next week, so Marc and I can get some projects done around the house without having to play referee. There are a lot of little things that need to be done. And with the New Year looming I feel the need to clean, clear, cleanse, and clarify our lives.

To that end I want to bless my house again. I think it may help clear the mental clutter I feel from day to day. So out with the old in with the new, or in with nothing new materially and an abundance of new mentally. That's the hope anyway!

I hope everyone has an enjoyable holiday season, takes the time to look around and be thankful for the people in their lives that bring them joy, lets go of those that don't, and starts this new year with hope and light.

Food Gifts!

2009-12-17T20:15:00.000-08:00

Random thoughts of motherhood

September 15th, 2005

It is amazing what looking back through pictures can do to you. I went onto my shutterfly account looking for a picture of our tandem stroller since we were selling it to someone and spend nearly an hour looking at pictures of the boys, especially Austin, when they were babies.

It is hard to believe how quickly they grow up and away. I have been striving to spend a little one on one time each day with both of them. I feel like over the last year of pregnancy and newborn adjustment I have lost track of who they are. Austin has grown into such a strong independent little guy that I all to often forget how young he really is. I ask too much of him. I need to let him be little.

Colton is so exuberant and playful. His imagination is fun to watch. He adores his big brother and follows his every move. Points that both amuse and annoy. To night at dinner Marc was trying in vain to get Colton to take a bite of his sloppy-joe, when Austin says to him "go ahead Colty it is really tasty!" and Colton smiles at Austin and says "Ok Brother!". Marc and I just shook our heads in disbelief. The power of the big brother!

I don't remember much of Colton's babyness. I wonder why it isn't in my head. I keep thinking that I missed out. All the stress of Marc's job then, the lack of ability to deal, the postpartum hell. All of it was so much in my head that I forgot to enjoy my baby. That is sad. I am trying like hell to enjoy him now. I don't want to forget what he is like. I don't want to miss that.

I need to journal more. I need to write down all of the cute and annoying things that they do. I need to document it. So when they ask me "mommy what was I like as a child" I have so much to tell them they are able to relive it.

I am trying to savor Lily. To sip her gently like a hot perfectly brewed cup of Earl Grey. I want to examine her from nose to toes every day and note each subtle little change that occurs in my mind so I don't loose it later. I am 99% sure I won't have another child of my own. I hated most of my pregnancy with Lily, but I miss some things. I miss the knowlege of a being that is only mine. The movements, the heartbeat, the visions of what she will be like. I am already forgetting what that felt like. I miss the anticipation of labor and the strength of my body to birth a child. I feel so tired and weak now compared to how I felt then.

To be pregnant, even when you are sick with it, is to be fully alive and an active participant in the cycle of life. It is an amazing thing.

Now as I nurse Lily and wonder what it will be like in the years that follow when that connection with her is gone, I am reminded to cherish each moment she spends in my arms. I think back to what it was like to nurse the boys. To have them both in my arms being comforted by both my body and each other. It was a moment in time I never want to forget. It is hard to believe that less than a year ago Colton was still nursing. He weaned so easily when my body just couldn't handle the stress of pregnancy and breastfeeding. He was so gracious and caring.

Even now he is concerned about how I feel. He will come up pat my leg or arm and ask "mommy does that feel better?" When I am sad, down, hurting, sore, ill, or just out of sorts, he will notice and light up my world with his spectacular smile and run to give me the best of hugs.

Austin's intelligence and love of learning at such a young age is a wonder to me. I love to watch him discover his world and beg for more. It is gratifying to know that he truly wants more. I only wish I could give him the opportunity to go to school right now. But, there is a part of me that is secretly glad we can't afford it right now. I am not sure I am ready to share him yet. I want to keep those special "ah-ha" moments to myself right now.

I am so blessed. No matter what the fianances say, I am rich beyond measure. Each moment that brings new worry into my life my children are able to help me brush it off and say to myself "this too shall pass". And focus on what is really really important. Being a mother.

2009-12-01T20:20:00.001-08:00

Just spend the last hour reading my old LiveJournal posts. It was started when we still lived in TX, and just before we moved up here to Portland.

I am so glad I recorded my thoughts. So much of what we went through, so many little joys, so many moments of sadness. All there for when my memory becomes dull. I enjoyed this trip down memory lane and I thought you guys might too, so the next few blog posts will actually be reposts from my Live Journal.

Here are a couple of my favorites:

life in the Miller Zoo

October 6th, 2004

Well today was your typical day in a monkey cage.

Except the monkeys are named Austin and Colton. I swear children must be preprogramed with a scream that is created for the sole purpose of driving their mothers insane. Fighting, pushing, crying, whining, and general chaos. ALL DAY. ARGH! And I am having another. I think I really am insane. Austin just doesn't get the idea of leaving his brother alone. And Colton goes up and whacks Austin for no apparent reason. I think it's payback for something Ausitn did and Colton just waits for the "right moment" to attack LOL.

It is days like today when I force myself to find the cute and the funny in my kids. One thing about Austin is that he is really helpful. Even though his helpfulness caused him to pull his little brother out of his high chair into a heap on the floor! I heard the scream and came running out of the bathroom (hence the reason Colton wasn't out of the chair yet) to see Colton on top of Austin crying his eyes out, and Austin crying louder!

Colton is sweet. He will come running to kiss you if you hurt yourself, and will try to comfort Austin if he is crying. He is also starting that wonderful independent streak that starts around 18 months! His favorite word is "no", which he usually is screaming at the top of his lungs at his brother. He likes to eat still, but is starting to be a little more picky (sigh) about what he will and won't eat.

At least I have a smart husband who made me take the heathens for a walk to the park when he got home today. The walk was fun and I got over my general irritation with them. On the way we saw two slugs **EeWWW***!!! that were very facinating to Austin and totally grossed me out. When we got there we met a little boy who was wearing the exact same shoes as Austin. Needless to say they were instant friends! I just hope we see him again next time we go. He and his sister were there with their nanny, and she said that they are usually there midweek at that time.

On the way back Austin got all worried about it raining on us, since the sun had gone behind some clouds, and I had chosen to leave the umbrellas at home. He is going to have to get over that! Getting rained on is part of life up here, or so I am told.

One good thing is that he is no longer worried about Mt. St. Helens. He understands that she is just "letting off steam" and we are safe. I am proud of my quick thinking and creative parenting on this one! I used my tea kettle to explain to him what was happening! Smart mama am I *grin*.

I have appointment number 2 with a 2nd midwife tomorrow. The first one went well and if I have to have another hospital birth I will go with that person. If however I can get our insurance to pick it up I really want to have this one at home. We shall see.

Ok off to bed to rest for tomorrow's events!

preggo update

April, 21 2005

Lets see I am 34 wks 1 d if you go by the ultrasound. I measured just shy of 35 cm at my appointment on the 19th, and I have been so consistently measuring a week ahead it is hard for me to think I might actually go to my EDD. I hope not.
I am still a little worried about what to do with the boys when I go into labor. If it is during the day I think they will be ok at the birthcenter and my MW's assistant even said as long as I am not crowning she can help keep them entertained. And they just got a DVD player and said that we can bring movies for them to watch as well. If it is in the middle of the night I am worried about it. They may not go back to sleep once we get there, and I really feel like I need DH by my side as much as possible. I am really hoping labor and delivery will happen while my inlaws are here, but just in case got the number for the volunteer/student doula coordinator at Birthingway Midwifery College, so I can get set up to have a student doula for free. They can come in the middle of the night to the center and either be with me if DH is needed for the boys or be with the boys.

I am enjoying the movements and playing with little girl as she poke her feet out of my sides. She is so big already! Her feet are in my ribs and her head is definitely down on my cervix. She is also anterior with her back on my left side. Although she tends to spin around on her head like a top during the day.
The heartburn isn't nearly as bad now that I am taking papaya enzymes after each meal, and liquid calcium/magnesium every night before bed. I also switched prenatals to the RainbowLight brand and they are awesome! I have more energy and I don't burp them like other vits.
Ok off to go fold laundry again!

37 weeks and counting. . . . .

May 12th 2005

Well I can officially have the baby any day now and she will be ok. MW's were worried about my weight gain at my May 5th appointment as I had lost about 1/4 of a pound, but on the 10th I had gained 2 lbs so all is well.
I am anxious for her to arrive, and starting to get restless. I don't sleep so much as snooze off and on all night long. Due to my need to pee every hour and the contrax every 20mins! I hope things get going within the next week or so. My FIL will be here on the 20th so after that would be a good time so that the boys can be with Grandpa.

The boys are awesome even if they annoy me most of the time. I am thinking it is the pregnancy not the kids LOL. I was in such a foul mood yesturday that Marc kicked me out of the house right after dinner and told me not to come home until 10. So, I went to my knitting group, and then to Barnes and Noble. I felt a lot better when I got home!

Here's hoping today is a good day! We are supposed to have nice weather so I think I am going to pack up the boys and my kntting and head to the park.

MORE to come!!!!

2009-11-27T23:44:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving 2009

I will give details later, but I wanted to get the pictures up at least! I hope everyone had a great holiday!

2009-11-03T12:16:00.000-08:00

Icarus!!!

I finally finished my shawl a few weeks ago and posted these pictures to Facebook, but I wanted to get them up to the blog just in case anyone was looking! hehe. The yarn is Knitpicks.com Shimmer in the Cumulus colorway. It is a true lace weight yarn that is luscious!

Photo 1 is before blocking.

Photo 2 is the shawl blocking on my double bed to give you a bit of a size reference.

Photo 3 is a close up of the detail in the "feathers" part of the pattern.

Photo 4 is the whole shawl after blocking over my office chair.

I so enjoyed knitting this and loved working with charts instead of written patterns. I found it to be so much easier to have a visual representation of the stitches I was making.

I am trying to decide what to make next to challenge my skills! Any suggestions???

2009-11-03T12:10:00.000-08:00

Halloween Part 2

After a bit of food and hilarity at the Meyer's we all headed out to Trick or Treat in their neighborhood. It was great fun! The kids had a blast and took in a pretty decent haul. But the cutest part was watching all the little ones all over the place in their adorable costumes.

Trick or Treat!!!

My adorable green haired zombie kid!

My motley crew of costumed crazies!!

Bringing home the loot.

2009-11-01T14:24:00.000-08:00

Halloween 2009-Part 1

What a fantastic time we had! It is no secret that I LOVE this holiday and especially love creating costumes for the kids. This year Colton was the only kid who let me be creative and make his outfit. Here's the result! Colton the Zombie kid!!

He requested the green hair but otherwise left it all up to me. We slashed an old shirt, added fake blood, but the best part were the realistic scar/wound tattoos that Austin and I found!

He really loved the way it all came together when we were finished.

Here is a close up of the Tattoos!

Austin was the Grim Reaper (no scythe could be found, so we settled for a sickle)

Lily asked to be a Care Bear way back at the beginning of the month, and I thought there was NO WAY I'd be able to pull that off. We got super lucky and found her costume at the Pass It On Sale in Hillsboro!

2009-08-06T14:07:00.000-07:00

Is this legal??? Doesn't this equal intimidation on behalf of the government that infringes on our 1st amendment rights??

From the White House Blog:

"There is a lot of disinformation about health insurance reform out there, spanning from control of personal finances to end of life care. These rumors often travel just below the surface via chain emails or through casual conversation. Since we can’t keep track of all of them here at the White House, we’re asking for your help. If you get an email or see something on the web about health insurance reform that seems fishy, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov."

Let me say it again.....Doesn't this equal intimidation on behalf of the government that infringes on our 1st amendment rights??

If I send on an email that enumerates reasons why the current heathcare plan in congress won't work, or why it isn't exactly what the President keeps saying it is, or why that particular person who sent it to me doesn't like it and it makes it's way to someone who read the above statement and thinks that maybe it might be "fishy" am I know going to have my communications "flagged" by the White House? Seriously? What will they do with all of those email addresses that will most likely be in the header of a massively forward email? Or all of the people who leave comments on a blog post just like this that may be against the Presidents current plan. Or the person writing the blog itself. What is wrong with dissent? What is wrong with commenting on the affairs of our world? What is "fishy" about having a differnt point of view than the powers that be?? Isn't that why we have a bill of rights? To protect everyone's differing points of view? I'm sorry but I really don't see anything "fishy" about that.

What I do find "fishy" is that the white house is trying to undermine my 1st amendment rights by intimidation..

2009-08-06T09:25:00.000-07:00

Is doing the morally right thing despite the consequesnces really morally right???

Many of my more liberal friends (whom I love and respect, truly I do!) have said that making sure that every one in this country should have access to healthcare and that they are willing to pay higher taxes to make sure that happens. They say it is the morally right thing to do. And when you think about it with emotions and in the terms of "little Sally with lukemia" who can't get the treatments she needs because her parents can't afford them yada yada yada, I agree it would be the morally right thing to do. But this current bill isn't about making sure that "little Sally" gets treatment. It is about undermining the private insurance industry. It is about more government control and more government regulation. It is about someone other that me being allowed to make decisions about what is the "evidenced based" care that I should recieve. So if there isn't a study that shows that treatment A is better than treatment B, and treatment B works for the "majority" of patients, then I won't have access to treatment A unless I pay out of my pocket. Someone please tell me how that is any different that what insurance companies do now?

An example of this are the prescription drug formularies that most insurance companies have now. They are a list of drugs that are "approved" for coverage. When Austin first started on allergy medications, our current insurance didn't have Zyrtec on its formulary, then alternative was Allegra. Allegra gives me migraines. Up to this point Austin's reactions to drugs, food, allergins, etc had been EXACTLY like mine. There was no way I was going to give my 2 year old a medication that gave me severe headaches. BUT because it was the "approved" drug on the formulary, I had only one other choice. I had to pay for the Zyrtec out of pocket (it was not OTC at that point) which ended up being almost $90 a month. So much for evidence based care lowering people's health care costs.

I have serious doubts about the consequences of the government being involved in life and death decisions. I still get to make those for my children and myself, despite having insurance. I honestly don't think nationalized insurance is going solve our problems. I doubt it will actually fix the access/cost of care issues. Add to that the fact that the historically it costs the government more to do anything that the private sector can do. How is that going to save us money on our health care? In fact in a recent "Time Magazine" poll the respondents believed the "legislation is likely to raise health-care costs in the long run (62%), make everything about health care more complicated (65%) and offer less freedom to choose doctors and coverage (56%)" How is this going to be better than what we have today?

People all over the political spectrum have said that Insurance is part of the problem. The way insurance is handled will never bring costs down. Costs only come down by choice by the provider (yeah right), government regulations (didn't work for energy, which is why it was de-regulated), or free market correction. With the exception of adjustments for inflation, the free market historically is a much better way to cost correct. The problem is that our health care isn't a free market. Because of heath insurance we don't really pay for the actual care we use, we pay a set amount on a monthly basis. We may have a higher co-pay from time to time, but we don't feel the pinch of real medical costs (we being the majority of Americans who have the typical hmo/ppo type plan through their employer). If people paid cash for their medical care that would change drastically! Not that I want that to happen trust me. But this leads me to another point. If soooo many people out there were having to pay out of pocket for medical care that was too expensive then why hasn't the market corrected? Perhaps because the actual number of people in this position is a lot smaller than we are lead to believe? Just a thought.

Fixing the problems with medical liability(so we can have more practicing doctors who make decisions based on what is best for the patient NOT because it will keep them from getting sued), funding clinics (to provide immediate access), and regulating prices for drugs and procedures (making care affordable) is what I have seen to be our biggest issues. (more on that later)

If you read through the basic points of the bills before the house and senate, it is all about health INSURANCE reform and not very much about health CARE reform. I want reform, but the right reform in the right way. OH and btw it is my constitutional RIGHT to have this opinion. I respect every American citizen's right to his or her own opinion, but I don't have to agree. Remember this one? Dissent is the highest form of patriotism! It is important for our Republic to continue to succeed that EVERYONE has their voice heard. Not just the popular opinion. It it equally important that when the majority of people let their views be known to our government representatives that those representatives actually listen. IF this particular health care bill gets discarded or changed to fit what "We the people" want which is fix what's broken and leave what isn't the hell alone, then I will have faith that our system is still working. If this thing passes as is, then I will have my belief that we as a country are broken reinforced. It has been broken for a long freakin' time. "We the people" will have ceased to matter and the Washington elite will have won.

2009-07-23T14:40:00.000-07:00

Get the duct tape!!

My head IS exploding! I can't believe the stuff I'm reading, hearing, seeing in America today. People who believe that letting the government "require individuals to purchase their own health insurance" or pay extra in taxes and be placed with or without their consent on a public care option. What happened to freedom of choice???? (for a party that is all about choice this seems a bit totalitarian to me) Oh and btw that quote is directly from our President's press conference last night.

What about free enterprise and the American dream? Hard work, personal responsibility, and learning from failure. So many of America's greatest success stories come out of a multitude of failures. Milton Hershey, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, R.H. Macy. All failed multipule times before they finally succeeded to sweeten our lives, change our world, bring us light, and give us joy. All were products of a time when people actually belived in personal responsibility, hard work, creative thought, and giving it your all.

What happened to that? When did our country become a country of handouts, bailouts, and rescues? When did we stop taking care of our own problems instead of demanding that the government fix the predicament we got ourselves into?

I am saddened that the America of my youth is gone, that the America of my children's future looks like a place where the governement will own every dime they make and every dime their children make to pay back all of this debt. I'm saddened that instead of building a better tomorrow we are borrowing that prosperity for our own selfish greed today.

I sit here in my little townhouse that we barely fit in as a family, happy that we have our 1 car, happy to have a full pantry, and thrilled that my husband still has his job. Knowing we just barely make ends meet and keep this quaint little life of our rolling along. And then I see this dark cloud on the horizon that is filled with exponentially higher taxes and wonder what will give in my little world first. Which child will have to go without school pictures next year, can those jeans my oldest is wearing be patched to be handed down to my 2nd born? Can I learn to cut my husband's and children's hair myself? How many more miles can we make it on the nearly bald tires?

Sounds selfish, probably is, but I really don't care right now about the state of healthcare. I care a hell of a lot more about the state of our bank account and the past due notices that could start arriving if we have to pay out any more in taxes. I am happy with my health coverage thank you. I won't complain, because we are just fine with what we have. I have no problem with taking care of others and making sure they have a place to see a doctor, but I don't think the current solution will even come close to fixing the problem.

Why is it that a stay at home house wife can see the root of the problem? Over inflated lawsuit rewards. The sue happy public that blames doctors for everything that is wrong with them rather than taking, oh wait here's that phrase again, personal responsibility! Lack of support for preventative care, alternative care (thanks FDA), and choice in care. Out of control, unfair pricing that charges one amount for the insured and a totally different one for the uninsured. Or one price at the hospital for a certain medication and a totally different one at the pharmacy. No lie after I got the bills from my surgery in March I was livid to see that the hospital charged me over $600 of the oxicodone I received while I was there for 3 days. The same medication that I got a 3 week supply of from the pharmacy for $5 (actual out of pocket cost because we were into our deductible at that point). Herein lies the problem folks.

As for those millions supposed uninsured Americans. There are a good many of them who are uninsured by choice. There are many who don't take advantage of what IS available because no one has given them the information that it IS available for them or their children. And some don't care. Wouldn't go to a doctor even if it was completely paid for. And honestly I don't think health insurance is really the answer.

A friend of mine pointed out something really interesting to me and I would pose the same question to you. Would you pay $150 a doctors visit for well child checks if you had to pay for it out of your pocket or would you go to a different doctor (all qualifications being equal) who only charged $75? Would you pay $3 a pill for a name brand drug or would you choose the $0.75 per pill genaric? Would you go to the ER for a mild fever if you had to pay for the visit or would you take some Tylenol, drink a lot of fluids, and get some rest (pretty much all the ER doc will tell you to do)? For me I would make the choice that provided the most value to my family. If I had two options with the only difference being price, I would choose the lower price. If everyone did that the market itself would keep the costs of healthcare down. The reason the market doesn't work is because the consumers themselves are NOT paying for their purchases out of their own pockets. We cut coupons for cereal, buy in bulk, and wait for sales in all other areas of our consumer spending EXCEPT in healthcare. Why? Because insurance companies out to make money off the healthy in order to pay for the sick only charge us a flat rate that doesn't really change that much no matter what our consumption of the product is. This system doesn't allow for free market corrections in price and quality. It is a false sense of security and now we are paying the price.

So here I sit, worried, confused, feeling lied to and betrayed by a governement whose jobs we provided, but that has forgotten that the trade off is that they are supposed to listen to us.

All I can do is hope that some or a lot of people with loud enough voices can do something to stop the downward spiral I see, before it is too late and we have traded away our liberties, privacy, and rights for the false security of government run healthcare, government owned private enterprise, and government mandated insurance for everyone that costs more than it is worth.